Good Feeling Friday

Today was an all around feel good day, right from the very start!

Sometimes the hardest part if working out or going for a run, is actually getting out of bed. It is most definitely November in Delaware and my body knew it. My alarm went off at 730 and it took almost 20 minutes to convince my body to get out of bed. It was so toasty and warm!

I finally threw the covers off and ran to my robe. I suited up in pink and black, this morning, and layered up with leggings and tights, as well as gloves and a head band. I knew that preparing for the chill would keep me more motivated. The one negative? My running pants stayed up but the rights underneath kept sliding down… Ha!

At least I was warm. I used my iPod to complete about 2 miles of refrain running to grab some coffee. 2 miles for coffee, Sammy? That must be some good coffee! Oh it is! For the past 3 weeks, I have made it to Fresh Thymes on Friday mornings for their banana fosters coffee! While there, chatting with Jenn and Steph, the fab chicks that run the cute corner cafe, I gave dad a call and he met me for breakfast and coffee.

After browsing the menu, it was hard to decide what to get! Everything sounded amazing! We decided on “The Julian.” I may have been a bit sneaky in this selection. Dad didn’t bring in his glasses and couldn’t read the print and he asked me to read what was in the wrap. I may have just said “sausage” rather than “seitan sausage.” Whoops!

None the less, we ordered “The Julian,” and chatted up the ladies, while sipping on our coffees. The smell of our food cooking was fantastic, and I kept peaking over at the griddle to check out what was awaiting us! The wrap was huge! Thank goodness we split it! Served with a slice of apple and tabbouleh salad, we dug into our breakfast of seitan sausage, sauerkraut, apples, onion, spinach, and spices. Delicious!

After dad raved about the wrap, I announced, “Ladies and gentleman, my father has eaten tofu and seitan in less than 24 hours!!!” which got some smiles and chuckles from the hungry breakfast folk.

I was stuffed for a long time after my half wrap! My day was kicked off with tons of good feelings! I was full and knew it! I had breakfast with my dad! Dad had eaten two healthy meals in less than 24 hours! I had accomplish 2 miles in November! I couldn’t wait to see what the rest of the day would bring!

Dad drove me home, after breakfast, and I immediately began to tidy up. Another thing to make me feel accomplished! I met up with Barry at the Farmers Market, where I picked up a bunch of goodies. After the radishes the other night at work I picked up a pack of radishes for snacking, which I pretty much finished off by the end of the night. I also picked up a bunch of orange and red bell peppers!  Throughout my shopping, I picked up a few things for Beauty! Yes, Rachel Ray, apparently, makes dog food, and, yes, that is doggie ice cream, both of which, Beauty loved! What a spoiled little pup!

It was a day of smart snacking and tasty treats. Frank, for dinner, whipped up pasta and seafood sauce! How could I resist? I heated up a package of Tofu Shirataki noodles and topped it with the sauce! MMMM! I sliced up a bell pepper and used that to pick up the remained gravy at the bottom of the bowl!

The night is closing with some hot chocolate and ginger snaps- shocker!

Going Orange

After waking up, I debated starting my day with a run, since Barry and I will be indulging in some Tony Luke’s later tonight. Somehow the concept of protein pancakes popped in my head, which, apparently, to priority over running. Then I remembered the bit of pumpkin I had left over from Saturday’s Pumpkin Cinnamon Buns! Never EVER throw away left over pumpkin!!!

Pumpkin Pie Protein Pancakes

serves 1

• 1 scoop Vanilla protein powder
• 2 Tbsp pure pumpkin
• 1/4 cup liquid egg substitute OR 2 egg whites
• 1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
• 1/4 tsp vanilla extract

Whip together and cook away!

My kitchen smelled A-MAZ-ING! I topped mine with a little sugar free syrup and a sprinkle more of pumpkin pie spice and paired the plate with a mug of Butter Pecan coffee.

So since I planned on doing a lot of work on the computer this morning and the modem died on me, my motivation to get outside kicked back in. What a beautiful day! I was surprised to walk outside to a sunny day of 57 degrees! I walked all over the city, first to ship a little something to Meaghen, then to the dollar store, and since I was out and about, over to my uncles to see how he was feeling. I took my time strolling home, and even though I didn’t do much running, I was able to get in

Barry came over after work, and after whipping him up something to eat, he laid down a bit to prepare for our night! Beauty needed a nap, too! She found comfort in my pile of laundry and could barely keep her eyes open, let alone her head up!

Tonight was date night! Barry and I took our friends, Mike and Lauren, to the Flyers/ Ducks game for Mike’s birthday! On the way, we swung by Tony Luke’s to try to keep with tradition. While Lauren and Mike kept it simple with cheese steaks, Barry and I split the Chicken Steak Italian. I was definitely caught off guard. I was expecting a Steak-Umms-style steak, but it was way better! It was actual chicken breast, cut and laid in a roll topped with provolone and your choice of broccoli rabe or spinach. We opted for  the rabe and requested mushrooms, as well. We also ordered an order of chipotle BBQ fries, which were rather disappointing. We expected a yummy sauce, but it was actually a seasoning, similar to Old Bay.

We rushed over the game to see the Flyers doing really well for the first 2 1/2 periods! We might actually pull through on this one! Nope! But at least Lauren and I numbed our pain with froyo and a mountain of mint chocolate chip and cookies and creme ice cream!

Holiday Fiending

The end of my shift went quickly, and I couldn’t wait to get home to get breakfast. With today being Apple Betty Day, I attempted to make a shake from this. I’ve never had it, but from what I’ve read its like a mash between bread pudding and cobbler. I looked up a recipe for Apple Brown Betty and tried something out. Ya know that I got? A belly ache. Noted!

This tummy ache was followed by giving the stinky puppy a scrub down and then a nap. Waking up, I still didn’t feel much better, unfortunately so I took it easy.

My appetite was non existent until dinner time. Dad and I had run out to the grocery sore to grab some staples and he kept tempting me with the idea of grabbing sushi. No, no… I have enough indulgent events in the next week… Well, guess how that turned out… with a full on indulgent night!

Dad found a package of Cajun seasoned flounder on Manager’s Special, and we decided that for National Taco Day, we make fish tacos. (Well, ours were more like burritos). I began with sauteing some broccoli rabe, with minced garlic, onion and thinly sliced celery. While this was cooking down, I sliced an eggplant, lengthwise, into 1/4 in slices and browned them in another skillet. Once the eggplant was cooked, I transferred it to a paper towel to rid of excess moisture, and added the seasoned flounder to the pan with the vegetables.

I sprinkled a bit of fat free cheddar on the tortillas and warmed them in the microwave. Top the tortillas with the cooked fish, followed by the vegetables. Slice the eggplant and chop romaine lettuce to finish the wrap!  We added the Chipotle salsa, and jalapeno lime bean dip, too!

Dad and I were feeling spicy and added chopped cherry peppers to ours! Dinner was served with a side of steamed vegetables. I seriously enjoyed this meal!

Following dinner, mom came home with what I call Holiday Crack  …. AKA gingersnaps. There are alot of foods, such as oumpkin that also fall into the holiday crack categorie…

Immediately, I ran to the freezer and began sandwiching the Edy’s Slow Churned Pumpkin ice cream between two wafers. And so it began! The sweet tooth frenzy! I literally ate anything in front of me. Everything tasted so good! I don’t know why, but I just wanted EVERYTHING!

Mom and I headed out to Payless with our eyes on the prize. I not only had had a coupon from the mail, but a coupon that was sent to me on my birthday. Mom and I bought a total of 4 pairs of shoes and saved over 45 dollars! Thats what I’m talking about!

Making the cut was a pair of hot pink running shoes by Champion and a cute pair of Fioni bootines (I didn’t know bootine was a word,either), both of which I plan on wearing tomorrow!

First’s Together

Talk about nervous eating!

So the food news is that I think u figured out why I get hungry at night. The bad news is that I have another mystery to figure out.

A girlfriend of mine suggested that I’m hungry at night because I work shift work. Since most of my shifts are at night, it could be throwing my body’s rhythm off.

Totally valid.

But I realized last night that on the days I sleep late, I eat more. One would think I’d eat less because I’m awake less hours, right?

Any ideas?

Moving on…

Yesterday, I experienced a few firsts:

• Seafood in breakfast
• Tony Luke’s
• Hockey game

I slept in yesterday until a phone call woke me around 1130 am. I was still pretty hurt by the happenings with my mom from the night before and I think I slept to cope. Barry came over after his dentist appointment and I made brunch.

Yesterday was National Fried Scallop Day. I wasn’t about to go hog wild with scallops but I remembered I had a small convenient frozen package of small bay scallops. After browning them in a skillet, I  combined it with crumbled turkey bacon and fat free cheese to create omelets for Barry and myself, while he made us some coffee.

While eating, I took the opportunity to apologize for how hard-headed I had been the night before. I  was terrible to him. I wouldn’t look at him or talk to him. He didn’t do anything wrong, I was just too caught up in my own head. In fact, Barry, and my girlfriend for high school, Maggie, really tried to make my day special. Barry had flowers delivered to the house, pink lilies, of course, and they were beautiful. They wound up being the center-piece on the table of my birthday dinner. And Maggie surprised the heck out of me! I had no clue she was coming over! To top it off, she got us tickets to see Demi Lovato in March!

After a few odd and ends, Barry and I drove to Philly. We had time to kill and decided to grab dinner before heading to our destination. I suggested Tony Luke’s on Oregon Ave. Neither one of us had eaten there, but its a pretty popular joint. Its got a pretty decent-sized menu for a joint of its size. A few things caught our eye on the menu, but I begged Barry to get the Italian. I forgot to tell them no cheese, but delicious nonetheless, delicious. The Italian is a pork sandwich with spinach or broccoli rabe and provolone cheese. I, of course, opted for the rabe and asked for red peppers. While we were waiting for our sandwich, I grabbed hot sauce, sliced pickles, and cherry peppers for snacking! I love peppers, if you couldn’t figure that out by how often I eat them 🙂

One of my favorite things at Pat’s and Geno’s is putting cherry peppers on my steaks, so I was rather pleased to see that Tony Luke’s had them. I must have been pretty hungry, because I had eaten three cherry peppers, straight up. And they were good! Barry and I shared the Italian and we can not wait to go back!

With full stomachs and firey mouths from the hot sauce and peppers, we headed off to our destination: The Wells Fargo Center!

Barry is a huge Flyers fan. I, on the other hand, barely know anything about hockey, but love sports! Barry took me to my first hockey game and I had an absolute blast! I was learning the lingo, yelling at the officials, and screaming, “Knock’em out!” I had an absolutely wonderful time at the game and I can’t wait to go back! We discussed this concept of returning to the stadium and I voted that we make a tradition of it! Tony Luke’s for dinner and then the hockey game! What a great birthday present and nice way to spend our 5 month anniversary!

“Look! They have a Sammy stand, hun!” I turned to see a concession stand called Melissa’s Farm to Fan, offering products like trail mix, Nutrigrain bars, black bean burgers, and apples. I had never seen that before in a sports complex, but I’m glad to see that the center is offering healthier alternatives.

I thought it was really neat how the soft pretzels were shaped, too! These are one of Barry’s weaknesses. My weakness? FroYo! Yes, froyo at a hockey game! I find it funny that I am always cold, I bought a cup of coffee, and I am bundled up, chowing down on a bowl of delicious frozen yogurt! As Barry and I circled the complex, smelling the wings and hot dogs in the air, I tried to figure out if ice cream was what I wanted, or if froyo was the way to go.  After some debating, I went with the frozen yogurt, because I love topping bars!!!!  I got a small squirt of all 6 flavors (chocolate, coffee, apple sorbet, salted caramel, vanilla, and cake batter),  from Gozen Yogurt, and topped  the bowl with cookie dough pieces, strawberries, and some mint chip pieces. Oh yeah!

While I allowed Barry about 3 bites of this bowl, I watched the couple in front of us attack this bad boy! It looked spectacular! I could not believe how huge it was, but they tore it up!

I also came to the conclusion that Phillies and Eagle’s fans go to Pat’s and Geno’s, while Flyer’s fans head to Tony Luke’s. The line of bright orange pretty much helped me come to this conclusion.

After the game, I came home to finalize all of my paperwork for my job interview. While I was doing so, I had some serious nervous energy and ate. But the beauty of it was that I did not freak out and I did not purge. My one focus was on nailing my interview.

Manic Mind

Last night was finished off with a Lil’ Drum so I could get my ice cream fix.

Today, is National Apple Dumpling Day. In honor of such a decant sounding dessert, I attempted to make a decadent shake bowl . And it worked! BooYah!

Apple Dumpling Shake Bowl

• 1/2 an apple, chopped (frozen preferably)
• 1/4 cup frozen cranberries (microwaved for 30 seconds)
• 1 tsp sugar free fat free vanilla pudding mix
• 1/4 tsp cinnamon
• 1/8 tsp guar gum
• 3/8 tsp xanthum
• water
• ice

I topped it with some Fiber One bran cereal for crunch!

My belly has been bothering me all day! and my appetite has been minimal. I did manage to do some snacking on a rice cake and roasted red peppers.

I became a bit manic early this afternoon and began to use up the last of the green beans from yesterday’s discount snack attack! I tried my hand at Hungry Girl’s Oat-Standing Veggie Patties. They weren’t quite to my liking, so I ampted up the flavor with scallions, teriyaki sauce, ginger, and garlic. Once I formed the burgers, I kept them in the fridge until I was ready to eat.

I finished up the last of some miscellaneous veggies from the refrigerator: bok choy, bamboo shoots, baby carrots, scallions, bell peppers, and broccoli slaw. After my first batch of veggies, I made another since it was just so good! All of the stir-fried vegetables were cooked in teriyaki sauce, kung pao sauce, and chili garlic sauce  for a kick!

I finished off the night with a bowl of Vanilla Maple Arctic Zero sprinkled with pumpkin pie spice and SF DaVinci pumpkin pie spice syrup. I finished the bowl with some praline pieces!

My stomach started to feel much better as the night went on. As much as I wanted to head to Zumba, tonight, I just couldn’t get there. I think I’m in a workout rut. I haven’t felt like doing much besides cooking and working.

I can’t dwell on my lack of exercise, but I can capitalize on what I can do, like clean up my cluttered bed room, and I’ve been creating variations of today’s veggie patties all day! There are just soooo many possibilities!

I’ve also been thoroughly enjoying the last few days with my mom. I’ve noticed a huge correlation between my mental health and eating habits and my relationship with my mom. Did you ever realize that when things between my mom and me are rough, my eating habits get totally out of whack?

Anyway, tomorrow is mom’s birthday and I have a special birthday treat for her. The recipe I am making takes two days to make. The first day is a pour and forget it day, but the second day requires a bit of attention. This recipe is a coveted one in the Higgin’s household. Its one of those recipes that my grandmother makes once every few years, and the family stocks up and freezes it to have. Here’s where I might lose you: Split Pea Soup.

I’ve never made it before, but I’m a big fan and I’m praying I can do it some justice.

A Night of Treats

I’ve said it before, but healthy living is soooo much easier when you have some one to do it with you! I always read about Julie and Ryan going to the gym together and running marathons. They are so supportive of each others fitness goals and its something I long to have in my relationship with Barry.

Staying healthy… together.

Barry and I began our morning with our first workout together! Coincidentally, I wore my Air Force shirt and he, his Army.  I was seriously put to shame when I saw how much quicker he was than I! We set small checkpoints to sprint to in between walking. As we ran to one checkpoint, I thought I was doing great and keeping pace. That is, until a certain someone sped past me… As I began to fade out, the Army Sergeant in Barry came out. “Push it! Finish strong! Push it!” Having that encouragement, and couples competition is so motivational!

We made it to our destination, went to the grocery store, and walked home. All together, we finished about 2.5 miles. I’m proud of that for our first outing together, but my physical conditioning pales compared to Barry’s.

We got home, brewed some coffee, shared a banana, and hit the road for some more errands. While out, we stopped by Subway for a quick lunch before my doctors appointment. Barry got a super yummy hoagie, but without much of an appetite, but knowing I needed to give my body nourishment, I ate an apple pack.

The doctors appointment went better than expected. (I’ll fill you in more in an upcoming post.) After an afternoon of errands, we headed back home for a snack and shower. Soon enough, I didn’t know where the afternoon went! “Are you getting hungry?” Barry asked. Oh man, its 5 o’clock, already!

Tonight, was a real treat, as Barry wanted to cook me dinner! He made jalapeno chicken alfredo! It was delicious! If I had another bag of shirataki noodles, I would have gone back for seconds! While Barry whipped up dinner, I set the table with a cucumber salad and garlic toast.

This treat was followed by another treat: a trip to Woodside Creamery! September is the start of their long awaited fall flavors. Barry and I could not wait to try the Pumpkin Ice Cream, but when we found out they had Pumpkin Pecan, there was no stopping us from ordering it on a salted pretzel cone!

Oh. My. Goodness!

I’ve never had ice cream blow my mind before. Barry and I was in utter utopia. It was like someone whirled a pumpkin pie into ice cream and touched it with a dash of “Woah Baby!”

We All Scream!

Today, I had a plan.

I’ve actually been looking forward to this plan for a few days now.

Yesterday, was National Ice Cream Day, at least that’s what I have written down in my planner. Any way, since I was working and could not properly celebrate, I decided a few days ago that I would celebrate on Monday with the good stuff… the fresh stuff… the homemade stuff… the Woodside Farm Creamery stuff!

The forecast called for a gloomy day, but I didn’t care. As long as I had a hot coffee and some delicious ridiculously amazing ice cream, I was a happy camper.

Barry and I stayed in until about 1130am, when we headed out to Brew Ha Ha! I wanted him to try my favorite drink, so I preceded to order him “a tall and skinny brew ha ha latte” and “a short sugar free white chocolate latte” for myself. We spent the next hour walking up and down Main Street, Newark, moseying in and out stores.

We met dad at Woodside around 130pm. I spent the first few minutes sampling flavors. They have so many flavors its hard to choose! They have a bunch of flavors that are always there, then they have flip flop flavors which pop up throughout the season, and lastly, they have the one and done flavors! These are killer! These flavors are once a summer and you never know when or what it will be.

Last night, I kept staring at their menu trying to decide which ones to sample and which to get, and which ones I was going to try to coerce Barry into getting so I could try, and which toppings. Oh, and do I want a cone or a cup, or a cone cup?

I love this place! I make it a point to go at least once  a summer! Even last year, during the height of my eating disorder, I made sure to go. I took like 3 bites, but I still made the effort to go! Its sad, but I wish I could eat here everyday! My dad made a point to acknowledge that I finished first. He attributes it to me not having it very often, but I’d like to think its because I had less than them… the latter probably isn’t true, but it makes me feel better.

Barry got a scoop of Black Raspberry and a scoop of Dirt (chocolate with crushed oreos and gummy worms) in a cone bowl. After sampling about 5 flavors, I decided on half a scoop of the NSA Black Raspberry and the Peanut Butter & Jelly, with my favorite ice cream topping of wet walnuts and a coffee! What a yummy combination! Dad got the One- And-Done flavor of Jamaican Me Crazy (coconut ice cream with swirls of caramel and loaded with chocolate chips). I suggested dad get a pretzel cone to go with a salted caramel take on the treat. We all thoroughly enjoyed our time at the farm and we sat outside, despite the clouds, at one of the many picnic tables. I kept staring at the cows thinking, wow, you make good ice cream!

After departing and a quick trip to the grocery store, I headed home. By this time, it was dinner time and Frank and I split a can of Reduced Sodium Chicken Gumbo. It was pretty fantastic! Way to go, Progresso! It was probably one of the best Progresso soups I’ve had. While eating this delicious cup of soup, Barry called me. Hes been my hawk eye online checking to see any news from my NCLEX exam.

I guess the status changed because he called to tell me the news and I actually hung up on him from screaming and jumping up and down! With all these endorphines flowing, I got my butt to Zumba! The class went by incredibly fast! After class, some girls approached me and recommended I take the instructor course! What a compliment! Especially from strangers. I guess I’m doing something right.

Mom’s letting a very old family friend stay with us for a few days who has been having some personal issues. I came home to a my mom and her walking in the house with plastic bags and a box, yes, a box, of food! They had returned home with chicken parm, pasta, meatballs, sausage, antipasto, brownies, and kind sized candy bars! Are you kidding me??

I downed 2 bottles of water in an effort to remind my body I was not hungry. I picked at the cherry tomatoes and romaine from the side salad, but I found myself sinking back into the old Chew and Spit routine of biting a piece of chocolate and then spitting it out, just to feel like I had it. I gathered myself and thought of the best thing for a non-hungry, eating disorder recoverer to have. I took my own cue from a few nights ago and popped a 100 calorie bag of popcorn and topped it with a Splenda packet and cinnamon.

I headed to bed  frustrated that I ate more that I wanted to, today, but proud that I chose a smart snack. All I can say is TGFZ!

Thank God for Zumba!

Middle Names

The Highs and Lows, The Hots and Colds

With everything going on at home, I went back to my dads place after work, last night. On my way, dad called and asked for me to pick up Chinese. I agreed on the condition that he deseed a cucumber for me while I picked it up the food. I ordered the steamed veggies with chicken and a soup. Dad really loved the mix that I threw together for him, so much that we pulled out broccolini from the freezer and steamed them up. I was really proud of myself. I can’t feel bad about eating steamed vegetables. I was at my calories for the day. Okay, the fortune cookie out me over. Haha! To end on a sweet note, I made a mug of Diet Swiss Miss. Because I love you, readers so much, I’ll tell you my secret for irresistible hot chocolate… Cinnamon and vanilla extract.

With my belly full of veggie, not jelly, I ended the night with some daddy- daughter Monk time, as in we yawn and belch and attempt to watch the end of the episode.

The thing about eating disorders, depression, and just over female-ism is that you become almost plagued by highs and lows. I had a great night but as the night went on, anxiety  started to creep up.  I ignored it and fell asleep.

This morning, it wasn’t so easy to shun away. Sundays at dads usually begin with a nice omelet, meat, and coffee, but since I’ve had some late night splurges these last few days… Way to pray on my late night weakness, dad! (just kidding)

It began with a toasted morning glory scone that I made a few month back ( they freeze pretty well) and a Dannon Light &Fit Toasted Coconut Vanilla Greek yogurt Blend, and a mug of mocha.I love how the sweet coconut and carrots and earthy flax and figs in my scone played off the sweet and tart yogurt. The day began as normal for dad with scrapple, egg, and cheese sandwich, and a mug of coffee. The sandwich must have been pretty darn good because by the time I had toasted my scone and came to eat it, half of dad’s sandwich was already in his tummy. This was the only pic I was able to snap of it! Haha!

(Want to make a simple mocha? 1 packet of Diet Swiss Miss, stirred into a mug of hot coffee and 1 Splenda packet!)

I spent my morning at his place… but the pressure in my chest wasn’t going away. Before I left for work, I tried to be good, so I put a little PB on a slice of light rye. Stop freaking, Sammy! I headed off to work, knowing that what I packed for tonight was great, and praying no one was bringing in any treats!

After finishing a bunch of work, my belly started to growl.  I switched it up a bit, tonight, with sugar free vanilla pudding, instead of chocolate, with grahams! (I know… I’m a rebel!) It hit the spot and held me over for the new few hours, while I was busy at work. Eventually, Claire pulled me out of busy work to head down to the caf. I grabbed some condiments for dinner, a diet iced tea, and a decaf coffee, and headed back to my unit to finally enjoy my Amy ‘s Tofu Scramble Pocket for dinner!

Since I have never had this before, I had no idea how it would take. While in the microwave, I sprinkled it with chili powder. (My history with tofu scrambles is that hot sauce and chili powder are necessary). A scoop of salsa? Hot sauce? Ketchup? Sweet and Sour Sauce? What is a girl to do? Try them all, duh!

I was surprised that I did not care for the hot sauce with this pocket, but the ketchup, the sweet and sour, and the salsa all were decent pairings. I really enjoyed this pocket and was surprised by how much I actually did like it! In fact, I told dad that I’m picking up another one when we go to Wholefoods, tomorrow!

I finished my late shift with a positive attitude, happy with my eating for the day. I headed to 7-11 to grab myself a sugar free Key Lime Creme Slurpee! Ya know, ironically, despite my love of all things Key Lime flavored, I’ve never actually had Key Lime Pie!

I do believe I will have to make a Bundo Key Lime Pie… what do you think?

My Sunday is winding down now, even though its technically Monday morning, now. As I am laying in bed, finishing this post, I wanted something sweet and crunchy. I remembered that on my grocery store trips, yesterday, I found these awesome 110 calorie drumsticks called Lil’ Drums! Theres a bunch of different flavors, but I got the Cinnamunch: vanilla ice cream with a touch of caramel and cinnamon, a small sprinkling of pralines and caramel drizzle. It was awesome and the perfect size! No guilt, just a crunchy cone, and sweet treat! It even had the chocolate plug at the bottom of the cone! Awesome!

Want to talk about hot and cold? Now I’m drinking a mug of decaf hot green tea to relax. Either way, today started a little rocky, emotionally, and is ending well!

Middle Names

The other day, I got into a conversation with a woman in the caf about names. “I have a Samantha at home, too,” she says to me, “but you go by Sammy?” I replied jokingly, “Yeah, except when im in trouble, then my mom yells, ‘Samantha Marie’!” “Thats her name, too,” she said!

What a coincidinck! It got me thinking about names. Every year, they, I don’t know who ‘they’ are, but they release the baby names of the year. I know a lot of the older names or new aged names have been popular the last few like Aiden and Emma. But what about middle names? Growing up, I knew many girls with the middle name, Marie, and at work last night, the nurses and I were talking. A lot of them have Marie as their middle names, too!

Samantha Marie, Kimberly Marie, Kristina Marie, Jillian Marie, Claire Marie…

I got curious and according to ChaCha, the most common female middle name is Marie, and the male is Alan. I wasn’t to surprised by Marie, but Alan kind of threw me for a loop. I was expecting Matthew or Joseph, but not Alan!

What’s your middle name?

PMS… What a Bitch!

After dad and I were greeted back to Delaware with a brief down pour of rain, we heated up the remaining pizza from the Sawmill, and a small buffalo chicken cheesesteak for dad and I went for some frozen veggies.

The last few days, I’ve been wanting all things sweet, salty, and crunchy. Peanut M&M! Pretzel sticks! Semi-sweet morsels! Almond Joy! Butterfinger! Cookie dough! Crunchy ice cream! Chinese food!  Yeah, I was all over it, last night!

Give me Sweet, Salty, Crunchy, Indulgence! NOW!!!!

Last night was it! Yesterday was a fabulous day with dad in seaside! It began with breakfast, which I pre-planned in MyFitnessPal the night before. I also planned on having a bite or so of Sawmill pizza, which I put into my calorie counter. By the time I had gotten home, last night, my calories were enough to allow for dinner and a treat! Time to play it safe.

I microwaved some green beans and broccoli. That just wasn’t cutting it. Ah, some cantaloupe from the farm market should help… Nope. Popcorn! 94% fat free… safe choice, good for chewing, and popping… Still not doing it. Maybe a few semi-sweet morsels… Mmm salty popcorn and chocolate. That’s what I want! I need salty, sweet, crunch! 

I allowed myself a nice treat! I quickly popped a few M&Ms and dialed the Chinese restaurant around the corner. Dad and I split a Hot and Sour soup and an order of shrimp toast. Many people have no clue what shrimp toast is. Essentially, its a shrimp- “imperial” like mixture on a slice of bread that is covered in panko and deep fried. I like to dip mine in the mustard and duck sauce mixed together. Here’s the deal… It’s not exactly in the lowest calories, lowest fat content categories…

I haven’t had shrimp toast in almost two years. When my eating disorder set in, I swore off all things fried, breaded, and ordered out. I’ve learned that even though I usually have melt downs after tasting any of these foods, its okay to treat yourself. I don’t do it every day… I’m  slowly learning to incorporate treats in my life in a way that is in moderation and good for my mind and body. (I have lots of recipes for shrimp toast so I think I’m going to Bundo-ize this typically unhealthy splurge).

Back to the point of this post… PMS is a bitch. I’m human, and a female, at that. Before I got sick, I was never really a sweets person. I was big because my portions were large and I didn’t exercise. Ever  since recovery, I have loved chocolate! In fact, I was snacking on semi-sweet morsels all night! So…

Female+Recovery+PMS= Oh crap!

If you’ve ever seen or read The Vagina Monologues, “Angry Vagina” pretty much sums its up…Its a hilarious monologue about all the things women put up with. In general, I highly recommend for everyone to check out the monologues! But as I write up this post, its all I can think about that accurately portrays my feelings.

The cramps, the bloating, the cravings, the mood swings, the fatigue… and its almost uncontrollable! Like a tic! What a bitch!

In fact, yesterday actually started at 330am, for me, as I woke up with cramps. I laid in bed, desperately trying to fall back asleep, curled into the fetal position. No such luck…

As I cracked into my fortune cookie, I thought my fortune was most fitting:

“Our perception and attitude toward any situation will determine the outcome.”

I don’t look at last night as a failure in my eating or my progress. I look at it as normal. Everyone get the munchies. Everyone has indulgent times. Everyone just needs chocolate sometimes! It happens! Even with my mini-binges the last few days, my calorie count has still been within limits. I allowed myself these treats yesterday, knowing that I am allowed to enjoy a little indulgence. I know it sounds like I’m trying to convince myself of this, and I partly am. It takes 3,500 calories to gain 1 lb. I eat to live, not live to eat. Cooking and eating are passions of mine. How can I let these eating disorders destroy my passions. I am in control.

But, wow, did I really need last night’s munchie-fest. It was good for the mind and it made my body shut up with the cravings. Plus, it made my dad smile to see me really enjoy what I was eating and not stressing about calories! (He actually asked me the calorie count of the shrimp toast! Good job, daddy!)

With all of this rambling and pseudo-inspirational mindset, I am always honest with you. After dad headed to bed and I thought I could trust myself, I began to pop a few semi-sweet morsels. After a bit of this, despite being on the phone with Barry, I knew I was getting out of hand. I was testing my own boundaries. How far could I take this? Why didn’t I tell Barry? Instead, I put on a front to him like everything was fine; Like I was proud that I allowed myself the indulgence. (I kind of was.) Bottom line, I purged. Not all of it, but the shear action, after not doing for weeks, proves I still have a long way to go.

With that said, I am sorry, dad. It was a selfish action and I know it hurts you when I hurt myself.

I just realized that many of my posts have a similar pattern: inspirational and then spiral into a black hole!

Eating disorders are a bitch!

PMS… What a Bitch!

I know…

While the guys BBQ’d burgers and dogs and made mac n cheese for dinner last night, I steamed a big bag of California blend frozen veggies, seasoned with garlic, basil, and a drizzle of light Italian dressing. “Is that good?” Barry asks. “Try it.” “Wow, that is good!” “I know….”   🙂

We fell asleep watching Part 1 of the Half Blood Prince, last night, and awoke with a serious coffee craving. The coffee really hit the spot today. Barry and I split a Cinnamon Raisin English muffin, dipped in sugar free syrup.

The heat has been pretty intense lately and it really got to me today. I had every intention of going to Zumba, but every time I stood, I got light headed. I tried to drink a lot of water today, but still had to blow off class.

Mid-morning, I got a crazy hankering for grilled zucchini. Dad and I headed to the farmers market. My belly was growling something fierce and I opted for some seaweed salt. Dad ans I are addicted to the stuff! I may have tapped into this container while still shopping.

Also making an appearance this afternoon was a new KIND bar: Dark Chocolate Chili Almond.

Dad described it really well as, “nondescript.” After having Chilies and Cherries in Dark Chocolate  by Chocolove and really catching that bite, I expected more from this bar… more of a spice or a kick.

When we got home, I lit up the grill and grilled hot dogs for the guys and zucchini for me.

zucchini boats

Slice the zucchini in half, lengthwise. Using a spoon, deseed the vegetable to create a boat.

Spray the exposed zucchini with nonstick cooking spray and place down on the grill, so the green is facing up. Grill over medium-high heat until grill lines are evident and water has clearly been drawn out of the vegetable, approximately 15 minutes. (This may take longer depending on how well you want the zucchini cooked.) Flip the zucchini over and lightly brush with pesto, or red sauce, and sprinkle with black pepper.

Top with desired toppings.I topped mine with sliced tomatoes, turkey pepperoni, and fat free shredded mozzarella, granulated garlic and crushed red pepper flakes!

Grill for another 10 minutes or so, or until the desired wellness of the vegetable.

“Is that good? Dad asked. “Try it.” “Wow! That’s better than I thought!” “I know…”   🙂

Later this evening dad called me to tell me how he was still impressed with how tasty the grilled zucchini was!

I picked up a peach at the market, earlier, in honor of National Peach Ice Cream Day. Taking a cue from Hungry-girl, I sliced the peach in half, sprayed the exposed fruit, and grilled it skin side up. Still warm, with well defined grill marks, about 13 minutes on medium high heat, I served it with a scoop of Breyers Vanilla Carb Smart Ice Cream!

Since I wasn’t going to Zumba, I sat on the porch with some fresh brewed iced tea and studied for the boards.

I was very content, hunger-wise, for the majority of the day.Right until around 9pm… I did some snacking to figure out jut what I was looking for… the winner? Pineapple!

My accomplishment of the day: single handedly eating a whole pineapple!

I sliced up a pineapple after dinner, and throughout the night, I kept stealing slices of it. It was the best pineapple I’ve had all season! Is it bad to eat a whole pineapple in 1 day? I’m not sure, but I’d rather eat that than ice cream or cookies. (I did eat a few cookies, today, though…)  

And now? Well, I can’t sleep. I think all that pineapple gave me a sugar high! So until I start fading, its blog fun and Rugrats reruns on late night TV.