Tofutti!

My week began with a food mishaps. I woke up and the only thing on my mind was mac n cheese. I had an Easy-Mac-style bowl bowl of low-carb mac n cheese I ordered offline. One bite and Beauty got the bowl. Unfortunately, Beauty wouldn’t even eat it. Ha! I began to think, and a light bulb went off! I have instant grits! Oh and I have apple butter!

So, I originally tried grits for the first time when I was about 10 years old and my mom’s boyfriend at the time took us out for breakfast. Grits were totally new to me. I really wasn’t a fan until my mom asked for apple butter for her biscuit. I tried the apple butter the Cracker Barrel that the waitress brought and it was sweet and even better on the warm biscuit. With this in mind, I placed a bit on my spoon and then tried  the grits once more, and ever since then grits and apple butter go hand and mouth in my mind. Get it? Like hand and hand? 

Okay, after that drawn out story… you can guess what was for breakfast:

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I debated having a can of soup for lunch. Once I heated up this soup that I’ve never had before by a brand that I’ve never tried and it, too, went right into Beauty’s bowl. This, too, Beauty turned her nose up to. I grabbed some crackers and PB to hold me over and the went to Zumba, as I usually do on Monday evenings. I came home with a growling stomach, with every intention of making a shake. After experiencing this first evening of the Fall chill, a shake was the furthest from my mind. I rushed home to warm up and steamed up a Green Giant box of green beans and almonds (one of my absolute favorites), followed by some more steamed vegetables. My food plans didn’t work out the way I planned, but it makes me happy that I made things work.

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I changed the sheets on my bed to flannel ones, took a hot shower, and snuggled up under the fresh covers in my toasty pajamas and crashed. I sent this picture to my parents because it reminded me of my childhood anthem:

Tuesday was a relatively early morning of giving. I headed off to the Blood Bank to donate blood. I try to do so as often as I can.

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After running a bunch of errands, I was super hungry when I got home. I was so tempted  to pick up a donut for National Donut Day, but all I could think about was a Boston Cream Pie protein bowl! Bring it! I topped it with some crumble Gnu Espresso Chip! Then some fresh raspberries! Delicious!

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I went off the work around 3pm and , like I’ve said before, being clerk for the evening is hit or miss. Wow!  I don’t think that in the two and a half years I have been at the hospital, I have EVER been as busy on the desk as we were Tuesday! It was nuts!

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Luckily, I had some savory pumpkin quiche and roasted veggies to power me through the shift, and a chips ahoy cookie for a treat. I headed to Barry’s after work, having a heck of a time kicking a headache and belly ache. I even woke up Wednesday still feeling a bit out of sorts.

WP_004507To get out of a funk, Barry and I headed off to the mall, again. We have been to the mall so much, lately. Last week, we got hooked on a store called Teavana! Barry has been dying to go back since last week. We went back and grabbed a few flavors to take home and a brew to walk around the mall with. I never thought that I would drink hot tea without sweetener, but Teavana proved me wrong.  Last week, I had one that smelled like hot oatmeal, and this trip I combined Zingiber Ginger Coconut and CocoCaramel Sea Salt to make a tea that smelled like an almond cookie fresh out of the oven! Last week, we picked up White Chocolate Peppermint Tea! It smells fantastic and tastes like holiday! Ahh! Its magical!

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WP_004509Before heading home to make lunch (steamed veggies for me and mac n cheese topped with steak-umms for Barry), I came across a few awesome and intriguing coffees. Hot Buttered Rum? Mhmm… Tiramisu? Duh! Candy Corn? Uhhh…….

Has anyone had that??? Fill a sista in!

WP_004511I took a nap at Barry’s to try to rid of my headache, only to be woken up by a car alarm 3 hours later. On my way home, I stopped by the local Payless store to pick up an order. I had a birthday coupon and ordered a Christmas present my parents will be giving me (some new work shoes), along with a new pair of kicks. With the coupon and BOGO special, I would up paying a little over 10 bucks for these cross trainers! Sweet! I couldn’t wait to break them in!

I killed time before work by sending out more resumes and experimenting with SF syrups. I added white chocolate and creme de menthe to my hot chocolate/coffee mocha, and it was awesome! I attempted to catch a few Zzzs before my night shift, but not even this cuddle buddy could shut my brain down for a nap!

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WP_004516I headed off to work a little anxious about food and finding a job, but like always, work put me in a better mind set. I finished off the very last bowl of Hot and Sour Soup. I must make this, again! Soon! The caf surprised me, also, when they switched up the veggie options. Last night, there were radishes and asparagus! I was a happy camper. Two dum-dum suckers and a coffee also helped power me through my shift.

I must say that the highlight of my shift was at 0500, when one of the nurses asked me if I would mind drawing her labs. One stick and I was in! Sweet! I’m always asking if they have labs they want me to do so I was stoked when she asked me! I was even more excited when I kicked butt on the lab draw!

I came home from work knowing I was hungry and actually eating like a normal person! Yay! While I whipped up a 2 egg white omelet with hot salsa, I snacked on a handful of waffle pretzels and a tsp of the best peanut butter, Peter Pan’s Crunchy peanut butter. Never, ever, have a found another PB with soooo many peanuts! Ahh, its delicious! Once dad woke up, I brewed us some coffee and whipped him up a Higgins breakfast classic.

My grandmother, my mom’s mom, makes stuffing loaves every Thanksgiving, and give everyone in the family one to take home. The next morning, Black Friday, we slice up the stuffing, fry it, put a slice of cheese on it and top it with an egg over-easy. I took out two slices from the freezer, and fried one up for dad, and topped it with scrambled egg whites, fat free cheese, and hot sauce.

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WP_004524After dad left for work, Barry came over, and I whipped him up a similar dish with two eggs, over-easy. I spent the rest of the day waiting at my dads place for a package from DaVinci (you know I love my SF syrups). After a can of green beans and onions, I headed back to moms, battling the rain.

I spent the remainder of my afternoon sending out resumes. I’ll tell you… job hunting is a job in and of itself. Its really a bummer, too, because I’m fully in love with my job and the company I work for, but I need to use this license that I’ve worked so hard to obtain.

I started not to feel so great so I grabbed a shower and dad picked me up to run to the store. Ginger ale to the rescue! When we got back, I found out dad had not eaten since the breakfast I had made him. With the remaining tofu, left in the fridge from the Hot and Sour Soup, I whipped up the following based off a recipe I saw on Everyday Health.

Spicy Peanut Tofu Stir-fry

based off Tofu With Peanut-Ginger SauceWP_004527

serves 2

  • 2 1/2 Tbsp water
  • 2 Tbsp Better n’ Butter, low sodium
  • 1/2 Tbsp rice vinegar
  • 1 tsp soy sauce, low sodium
  • 1 tsp sugar free pancake syrup
  • 1/4 tsp ground, dry ginger
  • 1 tsp garlic, minced
  • 2 tsp sriracha, more if desired
  • 7 oz  firm tofu
  • 1 12oz bag frozen stir-fry vegetable blend
  • 2-3 cups spinach
  • 1 cup mushrooms, largely chopped
  • 1/4 in slice onion, chopped

Whisk together the water, peanut butter, vinegar, soy sauce, syrup, ginger, garlic, and sriracha. Set aside.

Drain the tofu, and slice into 8 slices. Place on paper towels and pat dry. Continue to change out paper towels to remove moisture, about 4 paper towels.

On medium-high heat, spray a skillet with non-stick cooking spray. Break the slices of tofu into about 6 pieces each and lay in the pan in a single layer. Allow the pieces to turn golden brown on the bottom, then toss and brown the other side. Meanwhile, microwave the frozen veggie blend for 4 minutes.

Once both sides have turned golden brown, add spinach, onion, and mushrooms. Carefully transfer the microwaved vegetables into the skillet, and toss with previous veggie and tofu mix. Pour the previously-made peanut sauce over top, toss the contents of the skillet, and lower the heat to medium low.

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Serve as is or over brown rice, like dad did.

“I’d eat that, again.” Can I quote you on that? That you want to eat tofu, again? “Oh yeah!”

Ladies and gentleman, dad wants to eat more tofu!

I loved this dish! It had the mild saltiness from the peanut butter and soy sauce, and the slightest kick from the siracha! MMM! I actually grabbed some bell pepper slices and lapped up the sauce left at the bottom of the dish. It was just that yummy!

After my mom had her gastric bypass surgery, she has had a  hard time digesting meats. Throughout my cooking, I’ve found that soy products, like tofu, are the only things that don’t upset her stomach. She was eating her meal chanting, “Tofutti!!!! Tofutti!!!”

I guess that means she likes it!

This Thursday evening is ending with a mug of hot decaf mocha, with SF pumpkin spice syrup, and a ginger snap.

PMS… What a Bitch!

After dad and I were greeted back to Delaware with a brief down pour of rain, we heated up the remaining pizza from the Sawmill, and a small buffalo chicken cheesesteak for dad and I went for some frozen veggies.

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The last few days, I’ve been wanting all things sweet, salty, and crunchy. Peanut M&M! Pretzel sticks! Semi-sweet morsels! Almond Joy! Butterfinger! Cookie dough! Crunchy ice cream! Chinese food!  Yeah, I was all over it, last night!

Give me Sweet, Salty, Crunchy, Indulgence! NOW!!!!

Last night was it! Yesterday was a fabulous day with dad in seaside! It began with breakfast, which I pre-planned in MyFitnessPal the night before. I also planned on having a bite or so of Sawmill pizza, which I put into my calorie counter. By the time I had gotten home, last night, my calories were enough to allow for dinner and a treat! Time to play it safe.

I microwaved some green beans and broccoli. That just wasn’t cutting it. Ah, some cantaloupe from the farm market should help… Nope. Popcorn! 94% fat free… safe choice, good for chewing, and popping… Still not doing it. Maybe a few semi-sweet morsels… Mmm salty popcorn and chocolate. That’s what I want! I need salty, sweet, crunch! 

I allowed myself a nice treat! I quickly popped a few M&Ms and dialed the Chinese restaurant around the corner. Dad and I split a Hot and Sour soup and an order of shrimp toast. Many people have no clue what shrimp toast is. Essentially, its a shrimp- “imperial” like mixture on a slice of bread that is covered in panko and deep fried. I like to dip mine in the mustard and duck sauce mixed together. Here’s the deal… It’s not exactly in the lowest calories, lowest fat content categories…

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I haven’t had shrimp toast in almost two years. When my eating disorder set in, I swore off all things fried, breaded, and ordered out. I’ve learned that even though I usually have melt downs after tasting any of these foods, its okay to treat yourself. I don’t do it every day… I’m  slowly learning to incorporate treats in my life in a way that is in moderation and good for my mind and body. (I have lots of recipes for shrimp toast so I think I’m going to Bundo-ize this typically unhealthy splurge).

Back to the point of this post… PMS is a bitch. I’m human, and a female, at that. Before I got sick, I was never really a sweets person. I was big because my portions were large and I didn’t exercise. Ever  since recovery, I have loved chocolate! In fact, I was snacking on semi-sweet morsels all night! So…

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Female+Recovery+PMS= Oh crap!

If you’ve ever seen or read The Vagina Monologues, “Angry Vagina” pretty much sums its up…Its a hilarious monologue about all the things women put up with. In general, I highly recommend for everyone to check out the monologues! But as I write up this post, its all I can think about that accurately portrays my feelings.

The cramps, the bloating, the cravings, the mood swings, the fatigue… and its almost uncontrollable! Like a tic! What a bitch!

In fact, yesterday actually started at 330am, for me, as I woke up with cramps. I laid in bed, desperately trying to fall back asleep, curled into the fetal position. No such luck…

As I cracked into my fortune cookie, I thought my fortune was most fitting:

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“Our perception and attitude toward any situation will determine the outcome.”

I don’t look at last night as a failure in my eating or my progress. I look at it as normal. Everyone get the munchies. Everyone has indulgent times. Everyone just needs chocolate sometimes! It happens! Even with my mini-binges the last few days, my calorie count has still been within limits. I allowed myself these treats yesterday, knowing that I am allowed to enjoy a little indulgence. I know it sounds like I’m trying to convince myself of this, and I partly am. It takes 3,500 calories to gain 1 lb. I eat to live, not live to eat. Cooking and eating are passions of mine. How can I let these eating disorders destroy my passions. I am in control.

But, wow, did I really need last night’s munchie-fest. It was good for the mind and it made my body shut up with the cravings. Plus, it made my dad smile to see me really enjoy what I was eating and not stressing about calories! (He actually asked me the calorie count of the shrimp toast! Good job, daddy!)

With all of this rambling and pseudo-inspirational mindset, I am always honest with you. After dad headed to bed and I thought I could trust myself, I began to pop a few semi-sweet morsels. After a bit of this, despite being on the phone with Barry, I knew I was getting out of hand. I was testing my own boundaries. How far could I take this? Why didn’t I tell Barry? Instead, I put on a front to him like everything was fine; Like I was proud that I allowed myself the indulgence. (I kind of was.) Bottom line, I purged. Not all of it, but the shear action, after not doing for weeks, proves I still have a long way to go.

With that said, I am sorry, dad. It was a selfish action and I know it hurts you when I hurt myself.

I just realized that many of my posts have a similar pattern: inspirational and then spiral into a black hole!

Eating disorders are a bitch!

PMS… What a Bitch!