Indulgent Weekend

After my solid nap and trip with dad to the grocery store, Frank called and offered to buy dinner. I seriously debated saying “no” but I can’t go wrong with steamed shrimp and vegetables. To help me out, dad and I split my Hot&Sour soup and my shrimp and vegetables. I ate the soup and steamed up some more veggies and saved the shrimp and vegetables for my night shift. After a nice dinner and some bill paying, I tiredly went to the couch to attempt a power nap before work. I did not get a power nap, but I got out a good cry. Last night’s episode of Glee had me balling my eyes out from the second it started. I think I cried even harder because, in all honesty, its been a pretty emotional week. I think Glee just provided me the outlet.

I can’t help but dwell on lacking a position as a nurse. I think I’m the only one I know that has not gotten hired, yet. I just don’t understand. Dad says its because I’m so used to exceeding at everything I put my mind to, that this is new concept to me. I guess he’s got a point. Since I’ve been dwelling, I can’t help but think I’ve not only let myself down, but my family… my grandparents, in particular.

I need to stop this self-pity crap! Let’s move onto the goods…

I always call work before arriving for an 11pm shift. The night shift nurses come on at 7pm and I like to see if anyone needs anything on my way in. My girlfriend, Natasha, a major support person throughout my recovery, asked if I would grab her a coffee. No prob! Easy peasy! I though I was clever, at home, before leaving as I brewed my coffee with SF french vanilla creamer and a splash of SF Pumpkin Pie syrup. Natasha is a genius! “A 16oz pumpkin coffee with Irish cream and 2 Splenda.” After I gave it a try, I felt defeated, but in a good way… This was sooooo good! My coffee had been out-done. I can’t wait to grab another!

WP_004169The weather continued to be dreary, rainy, dark, and terrible… all in time for my alternator to die! Frank was kind enough to take me to my dads at 10pm, and my dad was kind enough to lend me the truck to take to work. Thanks, guys!

Despite the miserable weather and hour-long Glee cry fest, with my adorable cuddle-buddy, I came to work in a great mood! In fact, my shift began with a fun size M&M and  a Dum Dum sucker. I was expecting to be on the floor tonight, but, alas, I would spend my final night shift of my four day span in my 1:1. My patient decided  that they wanted to stay up all night. Once your patient falls asleep on night shift, you kind of want to fall asleep, too; so I was kind of okay with that, and we began our 8 hours together with a game of Phase 10.  I made a solid point to remain standing and walking around, despite being in a single room. I took a bathroom run every 2 hours or so, refilled my water bottle frequently, and even read my book and charted while standing. I think having all the lights in the room on helped , too.

When I was relieved for my break, I went down to caf to scope out the goods. There wasn’t really much in the way of what I would consider “goods.” Nonetheless, I hit up the salad bar, grabbing an assortment of vegetables, like bell peppers, mushrooms, onions, and beets. The snack machine also caught my eye with Smartfoods Cinnamon  Brown Sugar popped chips. 100  calories for the whole bag? I’ll give it a shot…

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They weren’t great, but they weren’t terrible, either. Instead, I completed my vegetables with a miso soup packet, and later snacked on some white cheddar popcorn. ( I guess it was a Smartfoods kind of shift). Oh yeah, there was a snack size snickers in there, too… Damn bag of chocolate. As Barry says, “Chocolate makes the world go round.” My reply, “Chocolate, too, makes my belly go round.”

It was quite a fiberful and satisfying meal and I, then, returned my patient’s room. When I’m in 1:1s, I notice my posture sucks, so I made a conscious effort to try to use my core muscles to both sit and stand tall. The result was a sore pack for most of my shift. I’m glad I was standing most of the night so I could continually twist and stretch to try to relieve some pain.

After a quick powernap at dad’s he drove me to Barry’s on his way to work. We have some errands to run to get ready for the weekend ahead of us.

This weekend is going to be a doozy and all this past week I’ve been preparing myself for it. In fact, next week will probably be part of the recovery process.

Tomorrow, one of my best friend from nursing school is getting married and I could not be more happy for her!

The following day is Vendemmia (which I’m thinking might be postponed due to this terrible weather Wilmington is having)!

Oddly enough, since I’ve been stressing about calories in preparation for these events, I’ve actually eaten close to 1000 calories everyday.  I really don’t know how I feel about that…

Today is National Sausage Pizza Day. Dad and I happened to find Al Fresco Chicken Sausage on sale at the store last week and I came up with the idea to combine the best of two pizzas…

Buffalo Sausage Pizza

The Crust:WP_004183

  • 1 md to lg head of cauliflower, chopped
  • 3/4 cup fat free shredded mozzarella cheese
  • 1 tsp garlic, minced
  • 1 tsp oregano
  • 1/2 tsp parsley
  • 1/2 Tbsp corn meal

The Toppings:

  • 1/2 cup onion, thinly sliced
  • black pepper, to taste
  • 2 Laughing Cow Light Blue Cheese Wedges, room temperature
  • 1/2 tsp garlic, granulatedWP_004181
  • 1 Tbsp ranch dressing mix
  • 3 Tbsp OIKOS plain Greek yogurt
  • 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
  • 1/4 cup fat free shredded mozzarella cheese
  • 2 Al Fresco Buffalo-style  Chicken Sausage burgers
  • 4-5 tsp hot sauce, or tobasco/pepper sauce, divided, plus more for taste, if desired
  • 1/2 tsp oregano, dried
  • 2 Tbsp reduced fat crumbled blue cheese

Preheat the oven at 400 F. Steam the chopped cauliflower. Drain and transfer to the food processor and briefly pulse the cauliflower until it is riced. Combine the warm riced cauliflower with the shredded mozzarella, liquid egg, and spices. Sprinkle a heated pizza stone or pizza pan with the cornmeal and spread the cauliflower dough evenly over top to form the crust. Bake for 20 minutes.

While the crust is baking, add the onion to a small pan, sprayed with non stick cooking spray, and cover, remaining on a low heat, tossing occasionally. Sprinkle with pepper, to taste. In another small skillet, sprayed, add the patties. Break up the patties using two spatulas, and cook over medium heat just enough to begin browning. Drain the meat, and place in a bowl. Toss the slightly browned meat with 1 tsp hot sauce, and set aside.

Remove the set crust and reduce oven temperature to 350 F. Using a spatula, slide around the crust to ensure it is not sticking to the stone. In a small cup, stir the cheese wedges, garlic, ranch, red pepper flakes, 1 tsp hot sauce, and yogurt together, until smooth. Spread the mixture over the hot, baked crust, followed by the caramelized onions. Further chop the shredded mozzarella and top the pizza. Finally, add the seasoned ground chicken. Pour any remaining hot sauce from the bowl over the top and sprinkle with oregano.

Bake for 8 minutes, turn the pizza 180 degrees, top with crumbled blue cheese, and additional 2 tsp of hot sauce. Return to the oven for another 8 minutes, slice, and serve.

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Nutritional Facts: (1/8 pizza)

Calories: 104, Fat: 2g, Sat. Fat: 1g, Cholesterol: 5mg, Sodium: 621mg, Carbs: 8g, Fiber: 1g, Sugar: 2g, Protein: 12g

I served the pizza with a tray of celery sticks and baby carrots on the side. I made a quick dipping sauce using 1 LC Blue wedge, lots of hot sauce, 1/4 cup Greek yogurt, 1 tsp ranch mix, some red pepper flakes, and 2 Tbsp of a light blue cheese dressing (like Walden Farms).

The night was completed with some marble cake our neighbor gave us. Oh my gosh, the frosting was amazing! Tempting! Fudgey! Decadent! Thats what kept us going back for nibbles.

I am completing the rest of the night with my mom and a movie!

Nurse Cake

WP_003707As my night shift was coming to an end, my stomach began to growl around 5am. I ignored this feeling the best I could. Around 530, I caved to a sugar free fruit cup. So sue me. A 45 calorie, sugar free fruit cup is whats going to upset me? This is ridiculous.

Around 6am, some nurses began to feel the hunger. Some toast english muffins, other trail mix, but it helps me to know that I am not the only one that gets thst end of shift hunger, and it makes me feel even better to know that I made a light and wise choice of food.

Arriving home about 2 and half hours later, the 45 calorie fruit cup had worn off. I snacked on half a slice of the left over Chicken Cheesesteak Pizza, another 45 calories. How can I hate myself for that? Its like I ate a 90 calorie snack bar, but instead of it being cereal and granola based, it was fruit and veggies! Get with the program, Sammy!

I stood in the shower, praying, deep breathing, almost like I was trying to wash the eating disorder and anxiety away. I finally laid down and slept until about 4pm, Thursday (8/29)

WP_003710I woke knowing I needed to eat despite my current feelings about my body. I went with a Dannon Light&Fit Greek Key Lime yogurt and topped it with some Special K Protein cereal. Although the cereal didn’t add loads of pizzazz of flavor to the yogurt, I enjoyed the crunch and texture, and the added feeling of being full. I paired it with a large glass of sparkling water.

The remaining afternoon was spent wallowing in my own depression, laying on the couch, curled under a blanket, until Barry came over after he was done work. He spent a few hours with Frank and me watching movies. I know it wasn’t the way he hoped to spend his evening, but it was nice to have the moral support.

My dad expressed some more concern about me today. I can’t help the way I feel. The last 3 days, I have not eaten more than 600 calories. Frank suggested this could be a reason why I’ve been so tired lately. I was in the bathroom and looked at myself. All I could see, at first, was my stomach. I kept poking at at it like it was somehow pop like a balloon and deflate. I went to the scale that read 131 lbs. I like that number. I went back to the mirror to figure out why the number just didn’t seem match the body. I stared long and hard and realized that my face was beginning to thin out, again.

With an annoying headache, which I suspected to be from low blood sugar, I stir-fried some bok choy and mushrooms in 1/2 Tbsp of low sodium teriyaki sauce,1 tsp chili garlic sauce, and a splash of water. It was filling and helped rid of my headache, which was definitely what I needed before going to work.

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I headed to work, coffee in hand, still feeling like I was dragging. Its funny how as soon as I walk onto the unit, I change. I’m so lucky that I am one of those blessed people that loves their job and the people they work with! Speaking of which…

These ladies I work on night shift with completely took me by surprise! After finishing the first rounds of my 8 hour shift, I went to the break room to grab a drink. As I opened the door, the nurses were setting up a party… for Heather and me in honor of us passing our boards!

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The first thing I saw was the cake and covered my instant terror with a smile, saying, “You guys are so sweet!” They even got gluten free goodies for Heather! But then, I saw the veggie platter and salsa and fruit bowl. Heather mentioned that she could tell I had lost weight and that she was worried about me. Heather is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. I would love if Heather and I both got the newly available nursing positions for our unit.

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WP_003717After finishing up some rounds, I decided theres no harm in enjoying fruits and vegetable. An the the veggies with salsa! MMM so garliky! I continued to snack on the goods all night and even had the hot and sour soup I brought with me. I was stuffed by 3 am and stayed that way! I felt great! Like I had been revitalized! Suddenly, although I was full, I felt invigorated and was on a roll at work! I love that Heather was so honest with me. You know what? I even had a bite of cake. I’m not a cake fan, but ShopRite done good! The night shift crew put a good hurtin on the cake and fruit!

The shift ended strong and confidently and I cant wait to hit the sheets!

One Slice Wit Wiz

Today began with a plan: Refrain Run to the store, grab cat food, swing by the garage and grab my bike, put air in the tire, ride it home and enjoy a shake. Things went just as planned, except for the fact that I left the key to the garage at home. Yay, for Frank being awake because he ran it over to me. It inspired him and he proposed that he grab his bike and we ride together! After walking our deflated bikes to the gas station, we rode them home.

I forgot the muscle groups biking works. My quads hated me! It was so great to see Frank on a bike! He was smiling, and really enjoying himself! This brief little bike ride set us up for a great day of decisions!

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While I prepared our shakes, Frank brewed some coffee. I made Frank a Banana Blondie shake, which is just the Blondie recipe with a banana, and a Butterfinger shake bowl for me, which is a Blondie shake with chocolate protein mix, rather than vanilla. I threw a handful of spinach in mine for a little added vitamins.

After some conversation and mild house chores, and preparation for tonight’s dinner, Frank and I sat down to lunch. A yummy salad! I threw my random, last piece of tempeh from the fridge, the last of the olives, and sliced the last of the onion to make my light lunch. The picture kind of looks like a face…

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I don’t know about you, but I LOVE a good cheesesteak! What  I don’t love is the typical carbs, fat, and excessive calories that go with it. With my new Chicken Steak-Umms screaming my name from the freezer, this was created!

Chicken Cheesesteak Pizza

serves 4-8

The Crust:

  • 1 md to lg head of cauliflower, chopped
  • 3/4 cup fat free shredded mozzarella cheese
  • 1 tsp garlic, minced
  • 1 tsp oregano
  • 1/2 tsp parsley
  • 1/2 Tbsp corn meal

WP_003692The Topping:

  • 1 md bell pepper, sliced
  • 1/2 md onion, sliced
  • 1 cup mushrooms, chopped
  • 1 tsp garlic, minced
  • 4 slices Chicken Steak-Umm
  • black pepper, to taste
  • 2 Tbsp fat free shredded cheddar cheese

The Wiz:

  • 2 Tbsp non fat sour cream
  • 2 slices fat free cheddar cheese

Preheat the oven at 400 F. Steam the chopped cauliflower. Drain and transfer to the food processor and briefly pulse the cauliflower until it is riced. Combine the warm riced cauliflower with the shredded mozzarella, liquid egg, and spices.

Spray a pan well with non stick cooking spray. Add the sliced peppers, cover with a lid, and allow to cook for 9 minutes on the lowest heat. Add the sliced onions, minced garlic, chopped mushrooms, and black pepper, recover, and maintaining the lowest heat setting, allow the vegetables to cook down for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

WP_003693Sprinkle a heated pizza stone or pizza pan with the cornmeal and spread the cauliflower dough evenly over top to form the crust. Bake for 20 minutes. While the crust is baking, remove the steamed vegetables and give them a rough chop. In the pan used to make the vegetables, tear the chicken Steak-Umm slices, season with pepper, and cook. Get your hands messy and toss the chopped vegetables and chicken together.

WP_003694By this time the crust should be done. Remove the crust from the oven. Using a spatula, ensure the crust is not sticking. Sprinkle the shredded cheddar on the hot crust. Then, top with the vegetables and chicken steak mix. Return to the oven for an additional 10 to 12 minutes.

Remove from the oven. In a microwaveable cup, break the slices of cheese and sour cream. Microwave for 30 seconds, stirring every 7 seconds or so. Drizzle the wiz over the pizza, slice, and serve!

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We ate dinner with big refreshing salads. Dad topped his slices with crushed red pepper flakes. Dinner with my daddies!

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Haha! I told my dad that dinner would be ready as soon as I “drizzle my wiz.” He said, “Okay, Snoop. Drizzle your wizzle, dog.” Hahah!

To end the night, Frank and I sat on the porch and enjoyed a sugar free Cherry Popsicle for National Cherry Popsicle Day!

Its early to bed, for me tonight. I am quite sleepy. See you in the AM.

Backstreets Back

Guess what I did last night… I went to the Backstreet Boys Concert!!! Oh, and guess who opened for them… Jesse McCartney! Yeah…. my childhood on crack! I was screaming like a little girl!

I parked my car at my girlfriend’s work in Philly and a bunch of us car pooled over to the Susquehanna Bank Center, where we ate and rank out faces off in the parking lot, pre concert. I may have been seriously stressed and mildly intoxicated to the point of chowing down on mass quantities of White Cheddar popcorn! It was a day of celebration and I haven’t drank like that in a long time. I called my dad to ease my mind about the calories.

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After heading into the concert and buying my girlfriend a beer we found our seats and sang and swayed the night away! Can I just say that a 20 oz Yuengling was 13 bucks! I could bought a case for that much! Damn concerts arenas jacking up prices.

But a spectacular night! I drank my favorite, cherry vodka and soda, ate a ton of popcorn and had a blast!

Some background: The Backstreet Boys were my very first concert when I was like 6! The “Easter Bunny” got me tickets one year, and my parents captured my excited in a home video, which, to this day, cracks me up every time I watch it. Jesse McCartney was my first big girl concert, as in, the first concert I went to without a parent. So both of these groups help a little place in my heart. I may have also been obsessed with both of these groups at one point in my life.

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All the guys sounded the same! We were screaming the songs and having an all out “white girl, woo girl” night! I was smiling ear to ear!

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Of course, being intoxicated comes with a loss of inhibition and cravings of late night munchies. I indulged and nothing sat well. I ended the night, exhausted and sick in bed. But I woke up feeling great.

Totally worth it!

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WP_003569I began the morning with pizza and eggs. Sounds weird? Think about it… Pizza is the best hangover food and eggs have protein, plus restaurants actually have pizza omelets… Does sound so crazy anymore does it? I popped an Amy’s Cheese Pizza Toaster Pop in the toaster oven and threw some liquid eggs in the microwave. I sprinkled a little garlic powder on everything and went to town! Delicious!

After a glass of chocolate cereal milk, my tummy wasn’t feeling so hot, so I laid down after bringing Barry lunch to work. He, too, had a stomach ache, so I brought him Italian Peasant Soup. Its miracle soup!

I was greeted at work with this:

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In an effort to avoid temptation, I asked if I could sit with the one to one on the unit. Around 630, it was time for alight dinner of miso soup, steamed broccoli slaw and saltines. What I did not foresee was how that damn pizza taunted me. I ate half a slice, which added about 120 calories to my meal. I wasn’t too upset.

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Surprisingly, what gave me some anxiety was a packet of graham crackers and tablespoon of PB. What’s up with that? I make no sense. I opted to stay in my one to one for the rest of my shift, so snacking would not be an option.

The first half of my shift was very slow, and the second half was rather cold, despite drinking 3 cups of  hot decaf tea.

When 10pm hit, I hit a wall and was so ready for bed. I arrived home a little after 11pm and was hit with a second wind… of hunger. Damn it! I go through this every time I work evening shift, and I have, yet, to find a way to rid of this. I wound up snacking on Ritz crackers and pretzel sticks with some Honey Mustard sauce, but by the time I realized my fill and my fatigue began to creep back in, I had eaten 10 crackers and a serving of pretzels. That basically a whole meals worth of calories. I absolutely despise the 11pm snack attack! It only adds to my anxiety, I think tonight’s snack attack also had something to do with my anxiety and waiting for the results of yesterday’s exam. I yelling at myself and have a heavy chest since I realized how much I ate.

Calzone or Pizza?

Yesterday, I had every intention of a new recipe for you and I was really excited about it, but….

WP_003389My day began early with and orange banana shake (I prepared one for Frank for when he got up) and a trip to my moms new job. It was followed by lots of food shopping for her and then a doctors appointment. The doctor was really excited to see me healthy and at an ideal weight! By the time I left, the shake had definitely worn off and i was hungry! I grabbed a snack bar and slammed like 30oz of lemonade… NOT a good idea. By the time I got home, I felt terrible and got sick! I think there was just too much acid at one time from the lemonade.

This totally sucked since my dinner involved tomatoes and I decided to stick with soup. I actually made another batch of Italian Peasant Soup since I had so much cabbage left, and a half grilled cheese. It did the trick and dad and Frank were more than happy to benefit from it.

Note to self: Italian Peasant Soup cures belly aches.

Of course, even though I was full, snacky Sammy snuck up…

I’m not kidding when I tell you that I looked like a rabbit, tearing off 1 leaf at a time off a head of romaine lettuce and dipping it into salsa! (Which was genius and all since salsa has absolutely ZERO acidity!)~ that was sarcasm…

Today began rather early for a Saturday, as I picked up a shift for a girl at work. After my cup of coffee, made with my new Cashew Milk (35 calories a cup), and rounds, my tummy began sending me the “feed me” signal. I microwaved some liquid eggs substitute, while toasting a cinnamon raisin bagel thin. As odd as it sounds, I spread a tablespoon of sugar free orange marmalade on the toast, popped my micro-egg on there and had  a delicious breakfast sandwich that lasted me until about 1pm.

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WP_003396The girls always order out on the weekend shifts, but I was determined to stick with my lunch. But watching them eat Seasons salads and calzones made me really want a calzone from the place, as I ate my turkey and pepper romaine wraps.

One of my favorite calzones is ham, spinach, and ricotta. I had ricotta, ham, and spinach in the refrigerator… What is a Bundo to do? To take my mind off the intensity of studying and work, I did one of the things I do best: Cook!

Do I make the calzone or whip up a pizza?

I opted for the later since I’ve had it in dough, but never on top of it!

I picked up a super huge head of cauliflower from the farmers market. I’m serious! Talk about a “head!” Its as big as mine! And guess who has enough for another pizza?

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Ham and Spinach Pizza

serves 8

The Crust:

  • 1 medium to large cauliflower, chopped
  • 1/4 cup liquid egg substitute
  • 3/4 cup shredded fat free mozzarella, further chopped
  • 1 tsp dried oregano
  • 1/2 tsp dried parsley
  • 2 clove garlic, minced (1 tsp minced)

The Toppings:WP_003409

  • 1/2 cup pizza sauce
  • 3/4 cup fat free ricotta cheese
  • 3/4 tsp Italian Seasoning
  • 1 tsp garlic, minced
  • 1/8 tsp black pepper
  • 2 cups (85g) fresh spinach, finely chopped
  • 8 slices 98% fat free ham, or low sodium
  • 1/4 cup plus 2 Tbsp fat free shredded mozzarella
  • basil for sprinkling

Steam the cauliflower with 1/3 cup water in a microwave safe bowl covered with plastic wrap. Microwave about 9 minutes. Carefully transfer the steamed cauli into a food processor and blend until the cauliflower is a rice consistency. You should have about 2 1/2 cups of “riced” cauliflower. Mix that with egg, cheese and spices. The mixture will form a dough like consistency. Spread the dough on a hot pizza stone or a baking sheet (my least favorite part- it may take a bit of work to finally smooth out) and put in the oven for about 20 min at 400.

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Next, roll ham slices, slice lengthwise, then across the two halves until a bunch of hammy shredded are made. Set aside. In a small bowl, combine ricotta with garlic, a handful if the chopped spinach, Italian seasoning, and black pepper. Set side. Pull out the crust and using a spatula, ensure it is not sticking to the pan/stone. Spread a large spoonful of the ricotta mix on the crust along with the mozzarella. Dollop sauce and remaining ricotta mix around. Top with ham and the remaining spinach.Sprinkle some dried basil over the whole pizza and put it back in the oven for another 5 to 10 min.

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Slice and serve.

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Picking Away

Despite being super sleepy, I spent another night not being able to shut down.

Being awake and not having the mental capacity to study, I flipped through some of my favorite channels and decided on Unique Eats on Cooking Channel. This episode ended on a cupcake note, which caused a late night sweet tooth. I went into the freezer to grab spoonful of fat free cool whip to see Frank’s pint of Chunky Monkey. I never buy Ben & Jerry’s because, although, theirs flavor combinations are absolutely spectacular, their calorie counts are absolutely outrageous! Wanting an added crunch, I dug into the Chunky Monkey to pull out a piece of chocolate and a walnut. This was my first experience with Chunky Monkey and I can tell why its so popular! Banana ice cream with chocolate chunks and walnuts! If that doesn’t say “Sammy” I don’t know what does!

Dear Frank,

If you decided to have your Chunky Monkey ice cream, you may find a lack of chunky. Sorry bout that….

Sammy

I felt proud of myself for being able to stop after one serving, but I won’t lie when I tell you I made sure to make that half cup worth it, picking for the chocolate and walnuts. Luckily, I had calories to spare last night, and after a brief increase in my respirations, I reassured myself.

There is one flavor of Ben & Jerry’s that I have wanted to buy, but just can’t bring myself to do it: Chubby Hubby- vanilla malt ice cream with fudge, peanut butter, and pretzels!

Get this- 340 calories per 1/2 cup! Crazy!

It seemed last night, there was no one thing on my mind. I kept playing around with recipe ideas. I kept picking my brain about when I would eat this and that, and what to bring to work, and what was on my shopping list, and how I can play around with ingredients…

Barry picked me up around 10am this morning to meet a buddy for work at the range. It was cool because we weren’t just shooting Barry’s, but John’s also! We all took turns playing around with the guns and switching out targets.

WP_003252Following our time at the range, Barry and I headed to Wholefoods for lunch. They’re ridiculous soup bar has always impressed me, so while Barry loaded up on man foods (meatloaf, chili, and mashed potatoes), I went with the Vegan Hot and Sour soup, and we ate outside on the patio. I was a bit disappointied in the lack of hot in the soup, taste, not temperature.

Nonetheless, we continued to stroll through Wholefoods, looking for some new products on the market, which we couldn’t find just yet. I did leave, however, leave with two items I was quite excited about.

Peaches!!!! Not any old peaches, Donut Peaches, AKA Saturn Peaches. I love these things and I can only find them this time of year! The look like flattened peaches, but they are so sweet and delicious, and my mom and I can literally eat a whole basket of these! Talk about healthy trigger foods.

Top 10 Reasons to Try a Donut Peach

WP_003259Also making an appearance in my cart was Arctic Zero Chocolate Peanut Butter frozen dessert. The cool thing about these products is that the entire pint is 150 calories! I’m not kidding! My only issue is that there wasn’t enough PB flavor. So after a teaspoon of added PB and jimmies, this was aces and I couldn’t feel an ounce of guilt.

WP_003253After lunch, Barry got thirsty and ventured to pick out a drink. “I was what you called me on the blog…” Uhhhhh???? “You’re ‘blueberry fiend of a boyfriend…” Well, its true!

What do you think he wound up getting to drink? IZZE Sparkling BlueberrySHOCKER!

Dinner was a frozen pizza. I’ve really wanted pizza that past few days and I’ve always had good luck with Amy’s pizza. On the menu was Amy’s Margherita pizza. Wow! I’m pretty sure I could have eaten the whole darn thing myself! The crust is  fluffy, and the basil seasoning was tops with the light tomato and globs of mozzarella! After our last experience with Kashi frozen pizza, I was relieved when this was excellent! I may have made a trip back to the kitchen later to pick at the leftover pizza. (They make a vegan version of this, too, by the way).

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After some loving from Lily, Barry’s dog, the night is ending on a rather exciting note: Studying for the boards. Since I am terribly entertaining, Barry whipped out his Nook.

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Bundo-ized Mama’s Mustard

The decision? Stay awake.

Well not so much stay awake of sleep, as relax and let what happens, happens. After running a quick pit stop, I arrived home around lunch time. Keeping it simple, and only having a bit of an appetite, I repeated yesterday’s Be Well Nutella on toast, this time with a bit of PB. (Life is always better with peanut butter.)

          Except for that one time when I was refeeding and ate half a jar…

After finalizing the post, I fell asleep watching the Harry Potter marathon. It was the perfect nap- right about an hour- enough to refresh and regroup.

Since I had fallen asleep the other night watching the new Die Hard, I asked dad if her wanted to come over to watch it after work. He came over, but not after I sent him on a mission. I have been dying for Mexican food! NOT that Tex-Mex mess- REAL Mexican Food. There are two places that have made my list: El Toro, for take out ( I’m addicted to the Chili Rojo de Puerco and guacamole salad), and El Jefe, for dine in. I made dad swing by El Jefe to get me fried scallions, also known as cebollitas. I’m on a mission to find out just what the spices are that season these onions, so I can try to make them at home. Anyone got any ideas? From what I can find on Mr. Google, its just lime juice and sea salt… That just sounds too simple.

In the midst of keeping things simple, I reached in the freezer and pulled out two Healthy Choice meals Dad and I had gotten a while back.

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The cebollitas were perfecto with The Salisbury Steak meals! Although these meals smelled great, I really was not impressed. The eat was small and a little tough, there wasn’t much flavor to the gravy, the mashed  potatoes are never a good idea in any frozen meal, but  I always enjoy the veggies.

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It was interesting having both my parents watching the movie with me, all of us getting along.

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Snacky-Sammy began to set in, in which I ate a Special K Chocolatey Pretzel cereal bar. Barry came over after work and ordered Chinese food for dinner, so did Frank and my brothers. I ordered a small hot and sour soup, shocker, and stole one of the guys dumplings (I love that dipping sauce!) Thinking f I treated myself to a small craving, the urge would go away, Barry and I picked up Reese Whoppers. Thats right, peanut butter coated malted milk balls! A few of these, and I was set!

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Moms mood quickly change after my dad left. She went to the store and returned with this:

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I immediately approached her about the recent conversation we had regarding bringing home trigger foods, and she began accusing me of telling her what to do. I’ve said it before, its just not easy when you are not surrounded by support.

To take my mind off the full pizza sitting on my kitchen table and the minor anxiety that followed my soup, I cooked. I decided to whip up some homemade mustard sauce to be used in a recipe later this week. (By the way, be prepared for a few Bundo-ized comfort foods).

I promised this recipe about a month ago, so here it is. Its actually my moms recipe, that I altered. Every party we host or attend, this mustard is always requested. Yeah, its that good! My mom’s recipe calls for  sugar and  eggs, and very un-precise measurements of the remaining ingredients.

When I made this for my grad party, I used a 50/50 mix of Splenda and sugar, last night I tweaked it a bit more. The granulated Splenda, as awesome as it is, does not have the same melting point as sugar. The more sugar, you use in this recipe, the silkier, the mustard looks. I’ve made this before using all Splenda, and the taste does not change. The mustard just looks a bit thicker, rather than silky.

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yields approximately 3/4 cup

3/4 cup liquid egg substitute

2 Tbsp white sugar

1/4 cup, plus 2 Tbsp granulated Splenda

5 level Tbsp of Colemans dry mustard powder

pinch of salt

1/2 cup distilled white vinegar

WP_003239Combine all the ingredients, except vinegar and blend until smooth. Allow the blend to sit at room temperature for at least 30 minutes, reblending the mix, occasionally. Reblending and settling at room temperature ensures the eggs do not immediately cook once over the heat and the flavors are evenly distributed. In a small pot, over the lowest heat setting, pour the mustard in. (Scrape the sides of the bowl to make sure you get all of the blend in the pot- every drop counts). With a spatula, continuously scrape the sides of the pot and stir the the mustard, until it begins to thicken. Once the mix begins to slightly stick to the spatula, pour in the vinegar and continue to scrape the sides of the pot and stir continuously. This is the longest process of the recipe, but the end result is worth it. Continue the stirring on low heat to ensure the eggs are fully cooked and the vinegar cooks out.

WP_003241The mustard continues to thicken and take on a sheen (The more sugar in the recipe, the shinier the mustard). Once at a smooth thickness, pour into a separate bowl, cool, and refrigerate for storage.

Nutrition per 2 Tbsp:

Calories: 51, Fat: 0.7g, Sat. Fat: 0g, Cholesterol: 0mg, Sodium: 43.1mg, Carbs: 4.5g, Fiber: 0g, Sugars: 3.4g, Protein: 2.2g

This mustard is probably one of my favorite condiments! I’ve put it on grilled cheeses, grilled chicken breast, and later in the week, I will be crusting a meatloaf with it! Stay tuned and enjoy!

PMS… What a Bitch!

After dad and I were greeted back to Delaware with a brief down pour of rain, we heated up the remaining pizza from the Sawmill, and a small buffalo chicken cheesesteak for dad and I went for some frozen veggies.

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The last few days, I’ve been wanting all things sweet, salty, and crunchy. Peanut M&M! Pretzel sticks! Semi-sweet morsels! Almond Joy! Butterfinger! Cookie dough! Crunchy ice cream! Chinese food!  Yeah, I was all over it, last night!

Give me Sweet, Salty, Crunchy, Indulgence! NOW!!!!

Last night was it! Yesterday was a fabulous day with dad in seaside! It began with breakfast, which I pre-planned in MyFitnessPal the night before. I also planned on having a bite or so of Sawmill pizza, which I put into my calorie counter. By the time I had gotten home, last night, my calories were enough to allow for dinner and a treat! Time to play it safe.

I microwaved some green beans and broccoli. That just wasn’t cutting it. Ah, some cantaloupe from the farm market should help… Nope. Popcorn! 94% fat free… safe choice, good for chewing, and popping… Still not doing it. Maybe a few semi-sweet morsels… Mmm salty popcorn and chocolate. That’s what I want! I need salty, sweet, crunch! 

I allowed myself a nice treat! I quickly popped a few M&Ms and dialed the Chinese restaurant around the corner. Dad and I split a Hot and Sour soup and an order of shrimp toast. Many people have no clue what shrimp toast is. Essentially, its a shrimp- “imperial” like mixture on a slice of bread that is covered in panko and deep fried. I like to dip mine in the mustard and duck sauce mixed together. Here’s the deal… It’s not exactly in the lowest calories, lowest fat content categories…

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I haven’t had shrimp toast in almost two years. When my eating disorder set in, I swore off all things fried, breaded, and ordered out. I’ve learned that even though I usually have melt downs after tasting any of these foods, its okay to treat yourself. I don’t do it every day… I’m  slowly learning to incorporate treats in my life in a way that is in moderation and good for my mind and body. (I have lots of recipes for shrimp toast so I think I’m going to Bundo-ize this typically unhealthy splurge).

Back to the point of this post… PMS is a bitch. I’m human, and a female, at that. Before I got sick, I was never really a sweets person. I was big because my portions were large and I didn’t exercise. Ever  since recovery, I have loved chocolate! In fact, I was snacking on semi-sweet morsels all night! So…

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Female+Recovery+PMS= Oh crap!

If you’ve ever seen or read The Vagina Monologues, “Angry Vagina” pretty much sums its up…Its a hilarious monologue about all the things women put up with. In general, I highly recommend for everyone to check out the monologues! But as I write up this post, its all I can think about that accurately portrays my feelings.

The cramps, the bloating, the cravings, the mood swings, the fatigue… and its almost uncontrollable! Like a tic! What a bitch!

In fact, yesterday actually started at 330am, for me, as I woke up with cramps. I laid in bed, desperately trying to fall back asleep, curled into the fetal position. No such luck…

As I cracked into my fortune cookie, I thought my fortune was most fitting:

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“Our perception and attitude toward any situation will determine the outcome.”

I don’t look at last night as a failure in my eating or my progress. I look at it as normal. Everyone get the munchies. Everyone has indulgent times. Everyone just needs chocolate sometimes! It happens! Even with my mini-binges the last few days, my calorie count has still been within limits. I allowed myself these treats yesterday, knowing that I am allowed to enjoy a little indulgence. I know it sounds like I’m trying to convince myself of this, and I partly am. It takes 3,500 calories to gain 1 lb. I eat to live, not live to eat. Cooking and eating are passions of mine. How can I let these eating disorders destroy my passions. I am in control.

But, wow, did I really need last night’s munchie-fest. It was good for the mind and it made my body shut up with the cravings. Plus, it made my dad smile to see me really enjoy what I was eating and not stressing about calories! (He actually asked me the calorie count of the shrimp toast! Good job, daddy!)

With all of this rambling and pseudo-inspirational mindset, I am always honest with you. After dad headed to bed and I thought I could trust myself, I began to pop a few semi-sweet morsels. After a bit of this, despite being on the phone with Barry, I knew I was getting out of hand. I was testing my own boundaries. How far could I take this? Why didn’t I tell Barry? Instead, I put on a front to him like everything was fine; Like I was proud that I allowed myself the indulgence. (I kind of was.) Bottom line, I purged. Not all of it, but the shear action, after not doing for weeks, proves I still have a long way to go.

With that said, I am sorry, dad. It was a selfish action and I know it hurts you when I hurt myself.

I just realized that many of my posts have a similar pattern: inspirational and then spiral into a black hole!

Eating disorders are a bitch!

PMS… What a Bitch!

Seaside Temptations

Kohrs Bros. Custard. Sawmill Pizza. Midway sausage, peppers, and onions.

These are things I crave every summer, only to be gotten at Seaside Heights, NJ.

The day began seriously early as Barry and I left the house around 5am, him for work and me for the shore.

Last night, I made a ton peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, using a variety of different jams and breads.

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This morning, before leaving to meet my cousins in Philly, I packed us up water and watermelon…

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All the sandwiches, carrot sticks, celery sticks, crackers, and pretzels to keep the 7 of us going.

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Once I arrived in Philly, we loaded the truck up with our crab cages and took a quick pit stop to Dunkin Donuts, where I grabbed a small sugar free caramel iced coffee and an egg white turkey sausage wake-up wrap.

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The drive up to seaside was filled with uncertainty, as it rained on and off. The drive into Seaside was quite different than normal. In the distance, growing up, I could always see the ferris wheel. This time… Nothing.

We arrived to Dock Outfitters. This is the first place I ever went crabbing and the first time I was ever on a boat. It was a tradition that poppop took everyone crabbing here. My cousin, Eddie, and I have so many memories of growing up in Seaside. We were greeted at the dock by some ominous clouds that quickly followed with some serious rain.

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The little girls were really into trying to learn the tricks of crabbing from Eddie and me. After grabbing hot chocolate for the little ones and and a coffee for myself to warm us up, the girls headed back to the car to warm up and dry off a bit.

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We packed things up around 11, when the lightening was supposed to hit (which it never did), and drove a few minutes into the borough of seaside to hit the boardwalk.

It was bizarre. My childhood memories destroyed and washed away by Hurricane Sandy. We drove around checking out all the damage and watched the construction workers clearing away debris and rebuilding the boardwalk.

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I was so happy to see that a few places still remained. The Sawmill was still there, with their massive 27 in pizzas! Yes, this slice is bigger than my head…

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Midway was rebuilt, and the Kohrs stands were still running. And I would have been devastated if Jimmy’s Breakfast was gone. Jimmy’s has been a family tradition since they opened. My grandparents would take us here for breakfast every morning.

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No rides remained, and half of the Carousel Arcade was wiped out! I was thankful that some of the old rides were salvaged. The chuck wagon  and the space ship were rides that have been around for over 35 years! I’m glad that the kids of this generation will get to love them as much as I do.

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Eddie took Cindy and the kids onto the beach. The sand had been so eroded, there was a wall of sand they had to climb to get back to the boardwalk. The water was much too cold for me!

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I really enjoyed walking the boardwalk with Eddie and his family. It was like old times, again, like when we were kids… Eddie and me  🙂

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As we continued to venture the boardwalk, it was sad, but still wonderful to see the new and old shops opening up and seeing all the hard work people were putting into “restoring the shore.”

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We found a small place called something similar to “We Fry Everything.” What it should have been called was “Danger, Sammy Bundo!” or “Sammy’s Fortress of Food Induced Panic Attacks!” I’ve had fried oreos before, we know how I love oreos… but fried kit kats! Nutter Butters! Cannolis! Reese and banana sandwiches!

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Oh, my goodness! I died of a deep fried sugar coma just thinking about its potential mouthwatering indulgence!

Eddie actually got a deep fried snickers, which him and his buddy loved!

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Despite all of the spectacular treats on the boardwalk, I was having a bit of a rough time eating. I could only bring myself to eat the half PB&J and baggy of celery I packed. I opened up to mom and dad when I got back home about having a hard time eating and made sure I ate… well I went to town on a bag of carrot sticks… like a lot of baby carrots! Haha! Better than nothing, I guess.

We headed back to the dock as the sun came out and as high tide approached to finish our day together. We only wound up catching about 15 crabs or so, but I loved watching the girls trying to learn the ropes from Eddie. Eddie and I decided that this has to become a tradition for us!

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To learn more about Restore the Shore, visit the website.

Fitness Goals

“50 push ups.”

Thats what I woke up to this morning. The great thing about having a boyfriend in the military, is that you both want to stay in shape. He has two personal fitness goals: work on his pushups and run 2 mile in under 14 minutes.

While my personal fitness goals are no where near as as Barry’s, my fitness goals are to tone and to run a 5K. I am really happy that I have someone to help me achieve my goals, while I can help him achieve his.

What are your personal fitness goals?

We were supposed to be on the road rather early this morning so we decided on protein shakes. Hes a chocolate peanut butter affinity, like I do, so I made him a super chocolatey PB cup shake, with a banana thrown in. The same went for myself, although spinach was in mine, as well. After our cups of coffee, we headed to dads work to drop off the left over blueberry pancakes from yesterday. He was very appreciative.

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WP_002745After some time in the car, Barrys inner man set in, and we made a pit stop to Burger King. We continued our drive for another hour or so, as I stared out my window, watching farmers, and animals, and beautiful scenes, almost from a picture. After a final pit stop, we finally arrived at a hidden little house, with cats, chickens, and deer in the front yard. We arrived in Reading, where I was introduced to Barry’s grandmother. She was so welcoming. It may have helped that we came bearing sweets from a local shop called Sweet Street.

Barry mentioned this place last night, and after checking out their website, I needed to check this place out! We were greeted with three boxes, each containing a free sample. I immediately went for the cube of blondie, followed by the big apple pie. We picked up a slice of blueberry cheesecake for the boyfriend, a slice a snickers pie for his Pops (grandfather), a slice of triple chocolate cheesecake (which almost put Barry into a sugar coma), and a slice of the caramel apple pie (which was spectacular.)

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Barry’s grandmother was so funny, as she sat down with a fork and took a bite out of each one! Thats my kind of taste testing!

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She insisted Barry and his mom show me around, so I went out back with two bananas and fed the deer. Yes, I fed deer! It was so cool! I never thought I’d be able to do that! They even licked my hands~ Deer Kisses!

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We spent some time socializing before we heard some thunder, and decided to skidaddle before the storm hit.

We finally arrived home, with a growling stomach, I might add. Since dad wasn’t too keen on trying my Kashi Mediteranean pizza. Check this out: “spinach, fire-roasted red onions and sweet red peppers, four signature cheeses including feta and a zesty roasted red pepper sauce on our wood-fired crust made with whole grains…Made with our signature blend of 7 Whole Grains & Sesame with flaxseed.”

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Flaxseed crust? Feta? Spinach? Peppers, onions, and tomatoes? Sound delicious right? WRONG! I was so disappointed! I added some extra spinach when I realized how little there actually was. After the first bite, Barry and I tried to season up this circle of cardboard with garlic, red pepper flakes, even BBQ sauce! Nothing helped! I really hate to give bad reviews and I am always a fan of Kashi, but this was just no good.