PMS… What a Bitch!

After dad and I were greeted back to Delaware with a brief down pour of rain, we heated up the remaining pizza from the Sawmill, and a small buffalo chicken cheesesteak for dad and I went for some frozen veggies.

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The last few days, I’ve been wanting all things sweet, salty, and crunchy. Peanut M&M! Pretzel sticks! Semi-sweet morsels! Almond Joy! Butterfinger! Cookie dough! Crunchy ice cream! Chinese food!  Yeah, I was all over it, last night!

Give me Sweet, Salty, Crunchy, Indulgence! NOW!!!!

Last night was it! Yesterday was a fabulous day with dad in seaside! It began with breakfast, which I pre-planned in MyFitnessPal the night before. I also planned on having a bite or so of Sawmill pizza, which I put into my calorie counter. By the time I had gotten home, last night, my calories were enough to allow for dinner and a treat! Time to play it safe.

I microwaved some green beans and broccoli. That just wasn’t cutting it. Ah, some cantaloupe from the farm market should help… Nope. Popcorn! 94% fat free… safe choice, good for chewing, and popping… Still not doing it. Maybe a few semi-sweet morsels… Mmm salty popcorn and chocolate. That’s what I want! I need salty, sweet, crunch! 

I allowed myself a nice treat! I quickly popped a few M&Ms and dialed the Chinese restaurant around the corner. Dad and I split a Hot and Sour soup and an order of shrimp toast. Many people have no clue what shrimp toast is. Essentially, its a shrimp- “imperial” like mixture on a slice of bread that is covered in panko and deep fried. I like to dip mine in the mustard and duck sauce mixed together. Here’s the deal… It’s not exactly in the lowest calories, lowest fat content categories…

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I haven’t had shrimp toast in almost two years. When my eating disorder set in, I swore off all things fried, breaded, and ordered out. I’ve learned that even though I usually have melt downs after tasting any of these foods, its okay to treat yourself. I don’t do it every day… I’m  slowly learning to incorporate treats in my life in a way that is in moderation and good for my mind and body. (I have lots of recipes for shrimp toast so I think I’m going to Bundo-ize this typically unhealthy splurge).

Back to the point of this post… PMS is a bitch. I’m human, and a female, at that. Before I got sick, I was never really a sweets person. I was big because my portions were large and I didn’t exercise. Ever  since recovery, I have loved chocolate! In fact, I was snacking on semi-sweet morsels all night! So…

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Female+Recovery+PMS= Oh crap!

If you’ve ever seen or read The Vagina Monologues, “Angry Vagina” pretty much sums its up…Its a hilarious monologue about all the things women put up with. In general, I highly recommend for everyone to check out the monologues! But as I write up this post, its all I can think about that accurately portrays my feelings.

The cramps, the bloating, the cravings, the mood swings, the fatigue… and its almost uncontrollable! Like a tic! What a bitch!

In fact, yesterday actually started at 330am, for me, as I woke up with cramps. I laid in bed, desperately trying to fall back asleep, curled into the fetal position. No such luck…

As I cracked into my fortune cookie, I thought my fortune was most fitting:

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“Our perception and attitude toward any situation will determine the outcome.”

I don’t look at last night as a failure in my eating or my progress. I look at it as normal. Everyone get the munchies. Everyone has indulgent times. Everyone just needs chocolate sometimes! It happens! Even with my mini-binges the last few days, my calorie count has still been within limits. I allowed myself these treats yesterday, knowing that I am allowed to enjoy a little indulgence. I know it sounds like I’m trying to convince myself of this, and I partly am. It takes 3,500 calories to gain 1 lb. I eat to live, not live to eat. Cooking and eating are passions of mine. How can I let these eating disorders destroy my passions. I am in control.

But, wow, did I really need last night’s munchie-fest. It was good for the mind and it made my body shut up with the cravings. Plus, it made my dad smile to see me really enjoy what I was eating and not stressing about calories! (He actually asked me the calorie count of the shrimp toast! Good job, daddy!)

With all of this rambling and pseudo-inspirational mindset, I am always honest with you. After dad headed to bed and I thought I could trust myself, I began to pop a few semi-sweet morsels. After a bit of this, despite being on the phone with Barry, I knew I was getting out of hand. I was testing my own boundaries. How far could I take this? Why didn’t I tell Barry? Instead, I put on a front to him like everything was fine; Like I was proud that I allowed myself the indulgence. (I kind of was.) Bottom line, I purged. Not all of it, but the shear action, after not doing for weeks, proves I still have a long way to go.

With that said, I am sorry, dad. It was a selfish action and I know it hurts you when I hurt myself.

I just realized that many of my posts have a similar pattern: inspirational and then spiral into a black hole!

Eating disorders are a bitch!

PMS… What a Bitch!

Seaside Traditions

The morning began, NOT with a shake….

The morning began with…. drum roll, please… Blood Work!!!

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on the road

Yeah, not exactly how one wants to begin the day, let alone the new week, but a fasting work up is a fasting work up… Dad and I both had so routine labs drawn, and rewarded ourselves by grabbing coffee, hitting the road, and basking in the tradition that IS Jimmy’s Breakfast!

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Delicious!

A side order of scrapple was shared. Everything this place has is spectacular. Its classic diner food, but the tradition and memories of Jimmy’s really put me in my glory. Pancakes, huge belgian waffles, yummy omelettes… and you have to get the scrapple. Its tradition.

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getting messy

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Dave, the owner

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I ordered an egg over medium, stole half of dads scrapple and a slice of rye toast (from his Western omelette platter) to create an open faced sandwich. Dave, the owner even brought us out two slices of his new Trenton pork roll to try! Haha! (I’ve never had pork roll before…I’m still a scrapple girl.)

Once we finished our last cups of coffee, we hit the boardwalk. Today, I had a short list of things I needed to bring home, and a long list of things to do with dad. I have been so excited about this day, I’ve been planning it since last week. Dad and I usually, only get to the shore about once a year. I’ve been really lucky that I’ve been here almost once a week, the past three weeks!

Just like eating breakfast at Jimmy’s, daddy and I have boardwalk traditions:

Shoot the Geek

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Air Hockey (I let dad win. Yeah… let him win…)

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Mini gulf/Putput (its actually on a roof!) (I got my first hole in one!)

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sausage, peppers, and onions from Midway (I got one for Barry, today)
The shooting gallery

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Stopping at The Red and Green Tops on the way home (they are side-of-the-road produce stands) (where theres aisles of Jersey tomatoes!)

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The ferris wheel…

Thats a special tradition. It began with my poppop. Every summer, since I can remember, he took me on the ferris wheel. Our ferris wheel was huge and had the caged seats. I would look forward to riding the ferris wheel with him every year, look down at my parents and wave, as if I was the expectionally special child that got to spend time just with my poppop.

The ferris wheel, as my dad was less able to handle the turning, spinning rides that make you regret eating that caramel apple 20 minutes earlier, he and I would ride and I’d ride again with my grandpa. After poppop died in 2005, just looking at the ferris wheel choked me up.

Unfortunately, that was another tradition Sandy took from me… from many…

A special thing that happened, today, was going to Spicy Cantina with my dad. Ever since I was a kid, my family would go her and grab a drink and maybe a bite. Its a pretty happening place on the boardwalk and, today, I was finally able to sit at the bar and have a drink with my dad! I got a diet coke with Mango Cruzan. I totally recommend this combo! It was refreshing and summery!

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I also stole some bites of dad’s lunch, buffalo chicken white pizza from the Sawmill. MMMM… that pizza is just so good! The cheese is so creamy and smooth! And its freaking huge! To help with the humid day, a bit of Kohrs Bros. Orange Cream, with rainbow jimmies! For the rarity that I get to have these treats, its worth the money and a few bites!

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WP_003181Year after year, dad and I drive past this sign for Johnson’s Corner Market and Bakery advertising Iced Corn. What the heck is iced corn? Detour! We finally got to see what the hype was about. We pulled up to this cute lot full of tractors, and green houses, and a colorful barn-like building. As we walked into the building, we were smacked in the face with an incredible scent of baked goods! The first thing I saw was a cabinet of chocolate covered pretzels. I’ve never seen such a variety of chocolate covered pretzels! Then, my inner cookie monster sense kicked in and my eyes wondered to the next case. These were the biggest snickerdoodles I had ever seen!

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We continued to wander the store, looking at the local products and store made dips and items. I had to do a double-take at the cooler. Blueberry salsa?? I can’t be reading that right. Entirely too intrigued, I grabbed a small container, for my blueberry-fiend of a boyfriend. The check out clerk raved about it, so when we got home, dad and I snuck a bite. I don’t know if I would get it again, though, but it was unique. Not bad, though. (Iced corn, by the way… its not like a dessert, its just corn, literally on ice…. like to keep chilled…)

Oh and we were on a serious winning streak at Lucky Leo’s!

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Yay for an awesome Daddy-Daughter Date Day!

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Date Week

By some stroke of luck, Barry and I actually had like 9 days off… Together! For the past week or so, we had been working opposite schedules so we wanted to take advantage of the vacation.

The Philadelphia Zoo

Monday, July 15, we began the week with some monkeying around. Seriously, I love the primates at the zoo! We arrived at the Philadelphia Zoo around 11am or so to begin our wickedly humid day. I felt like I was 5 again! The entire drive to zoo, I was singing, “We’re going to the zoo! We’re going to the zoo!”

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Barry was starting to get a bit hungry, so we made a pit stop to the nearest kiosk and he ordered chicken finger n fries. I love this picture, mid-chew!

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Yeah, Barry, it is hot! Right out of the fryer! Barry and I both have little things that get us oddly enthused, especially when it comes to food. So when he saw the blend-your-own-ICEE wall, he needed to get one!

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Seaside

Tuesday began around 9am, with the Dunkin Donut breakfast sandwich for Barry. We spent the next 2 hours driving until we reached my favorite place in the world: Seaside Heights. I love being able to share this place with others. Although the hurricane wiped out all the rides, just being there and walking the boardwalk was a nice time!

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I introduced him to Kohrs Bros. Orange Cream, with jimmies, or course.

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Last week, I mentioned that place that fries everything so Barry got deep fried Reeses, and a deep fried cannoli to appease me. Not impressed….

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WP_003086He was reunited with Sawmill Pizza! MMMMM Buffalo chicken pizza and a beer! And I took him to few of my favorite games, like Shoot the Geek (its a paintball game that dad and I are obsessed with), the old carousel, and a few super ancient games, like Bimbo. And lastly, delving into his sweet tooth a bit more, I introduced him to Berkeley’s fudge!

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Valanni?

Thursday, begin in my house with one of my favorite shakes: White Chocolate Pear, inspired by Harry and David’s Chocolate covered pear collection. I made dad and Frank shakes, too.

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Rather than going back to Valanni as planned, I suggested we stay home, to save money (and calories), and cook. To stick with the Valanni theme, I tried my hands at those delicious Brussels sprouts! I found a recipe for Roasted Balsamic Brussel Sprout and Toasted Walnuts and used that as my base.

WP_003112After buying a pound of fresh brussel sprouts and cutting them into quarters, I sprinkled black pepper, a touch of salt and granulated garlic, and 2 Tbsp of balsamic vinegar over them, shook them up, and let them sit. Meanwhile, I chopped 2 Tbsp of slivered almonds, and finely diced half a large granny smith apple. (The other half found its way into my tummy.)

I sprayed a baking sheet with non stick spray, emptied the sprouts on it and baked them uncovered for 20 minutes, tossing occasionally, at 375 F. Sprinkle the chopped almonds over top and bake for another 5 minutes. Removed from the oven and toss with the apple.

While these were baking, I marinated some chicken breast in Annie’s Hot Chipotle BBQ Sauce and threw them on the grill.

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Although the sprouts weren’t like the ones at the restaurant, I still enjoyed them. I, did, however, learn a few things in the process of making these:

  • fresh brussel sprouts take much longer to roast than frozen ones
  • Valanni must dowse the sprouts in balsamic vinegar, because the sprouts that were well coated tasted the closest to the originals
  • try and try again… Since I know I’m on the right track, it only gives me more incentive to try to get this down!

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Harry Potter

Every night for the past week, Barry and I have watched a Harry Potter movie. Needless to say, when Barry found this shirt at the zoo, I just couldn’t stop laughing!

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I also truly love this glass! It took everything in me not to buy it! If you have to, click on the picture to enlarge it. Its hilarious!

To finish off Date Week, we watch Deathly Hollows Part 2, and each enjoyed a bowl of Edy’s Slow Churned Caramel Praline Crunch Yogurt Blend, topped with jimmies! We’ve been having a debate, since Seaside, as to call them sprinkles or jimmies…. Its okay, I know the truth… Jimmies (wink).

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Seaside Temptations

Kohrs Bros. Custard. Sawmill Pizza. Midway sausage, peppers, and onions.

These are things I crave every summer, only to be gotten at Seaside Heights, NJ.

The day began seriously early as Barry and I left the house around 5am, him for work and me for the shore.

Last night, I made a ton peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, using a variety of different jams and breads.

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This morning, before leaving to meet my cousins in Philly, I packed us up water and watermelon…

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All the sandwiches, carrot sticks, celery sticks, crackers, and pretzels to keep the 7 of us going.

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Once I arrived in Philly, we loaded the truck up with our crab cages and took a quick pit stop to Dunkin Donuts, where I grabbed a small sugar free caramel iced coffee and an egg white turkey sausage wake-up wrap.

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The drive up to seaside was filled with uncertainty, as it rained on and off. The drive into Seaside was quite different than normal. In the distance, growing up, I could always see the ferris wheel. This time… Nothing.

We arrived to Dock Outfitters. This is the first place I ever went crabbing and the first time I was ever on a boat. It was a tradition that poppop took everyone crabbing here. My cousin, Eddie, and I have so many memories of growing up in Seaside. We were greeted at the dock by some ominous clouds that quickly followed with some serious rain.

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The little girls were really into trying to learn the tricks of crabbing from Eddie and me. After grabbing hot chocolate for the little ones and and a coffee for myself to warm us up, the girls headed back to the car to warm up and dry off a bit.

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We packed things up around 11, when the lightening was supposed to hit (which it never did), and drove a few minutes into the borough of seaside to hit the boardwalk.

It was bizarre. My childhood memories destroyed and washed away by Hurricane Sandy. We drove around checking out all the damage and watched the construction workers clearing away debris and rebuilding the boardwalk.

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I was so happy to see that a few places still remained. The Sawmill was still there, with their massive 27 in pizzas! Yes, this slice is bigger than my head…

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Midway was rebuilt, and the Kohrs stands were still running. And I would have been devastated if Jimmy’s Breakfast was gone. Jimmy’s has been a family tradition since they opened. My grandparents would take us here for breakfast every morning.

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No rides remained, and half of the Carousel Arcade was wiped out! I was thankful that some of the old rides were salvaged. The chuck wagon  and the space ship were rides that have been around for over 35 years! I’m glad that the kids of this generation will get to love them as much as I do.

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Eddie took Cindy and the kids onto the beach. The sand had been so eroded, there was a wall of sand they had to climb to get back to the boardwalk. The water was much too cold for me!

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I really enjoyed walking the boardwalk with Eddie and his family. It was like old times, again, like when we were kids… Eddie and me  🙂

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As we continued to venture the boardwalk, it was sad, but still wonderful to see the new and old shops opening up and seeing all the hard work people were putting into “restoring the shore.”

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We found a small place called something similar to “We Fry Everything.” What it should have been called was “Danger, Sammy Bundo!” or “Sammy’s Fortress of Food Induced Panic Attacks!” I’ve had fried oreos before, we know how I love oreos… but fried kit kats! Nutter Butters! Cannolis! Reese and banana sandwiches!

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Oh, my goodness! I died of a deep fried sugar coma just thinking about its potential mouthwatering indulgence!

Eddie actually got a deep fried snickers, which him and his buddy loved!

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Despite all of the spectacular treats on the boardwalk, I was having a bit of a rough time eating. I could only bring myself to eat the half PB&J and baggy of celery I packed. I opened up to mom and dad when I got back home about having a hard time eating and made sure I ate… well I went to town on a bag of carrot sticks… like a lot of baby carrots! Haha! Better than nothing, I guess.

We headed back to the dock as the sun came out and as high tide approached to finish our day together. We only wound up catching about 15 crabs or so, but I loved watching the girls trying to learn the ropes from Eddie. Eddie and I decided that this has to become a tradition for us!

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To learn more about Restore the Shore, visit the website.