Refrain Running

Last night, dad and I watched another Redbox called Not Fade Away. I picked it because it was about music and it had James Gandolfini in it. I dug the music but the movie, itself, was so-so.

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Also making an appearance was the Chocolate Peanut Butter Arctic Zero with fat free whipped cream, jimmies, broken fat free pretzel sticks for a salty crunch, and a sprinkle of  Chocolate PB2. I love that I can eat this and not have an anxiety attack about it! Arctic Zero, you are a blessing to all those in eating disorder recovery!

After dropping Barry’s dinner off to him at work, I arrived home not being able to take my eyes off the last fuji apple. I sliced it up and enjoyed the slices with Be Well Nutella sandwiched between them.

Utter Frustration

Despite all my yawning and being in bed by 10, I did nothing all night, but lay there- completely awake! I tried counting sheep, deep breathing, stretching, and even massaging pressure points to relax. Nothing worked! I was too tired to study, too tired to talk or open my eyes… I was so frustrated I wanted to scream! But I was too tired for that too.

Eventually I gave in and whipped out a pad if paper and worked on a few new recipes. By 4 am, my belly was growling! I tried to ignore it but now I know what time my food is digested by and why I’m hungry in the morning.

I mosied into the kitchen. My immediate reaction was to head to the MagicBullet, but since it was 4am, I thought that might be a bit inconsiderate to others actually sleeping! I grabbed a granola bar, which I enjoyed. But suddenly, I was hit with eating disorder anxiety. Just peachy!

I hate laying down after eating, but I became overwhelmed with fatigue after eating my Kashi and passed out until being awoken 3 hours later by a serious of noises. First, Bunny was meowing incessantly, so I got up, made sure he had food and fell back asleep… briefly, that is, until I was awoke by a claw scratching at my foot…

Next came a wake up call… apparently my little brother over slept and Frank was yelling to his room  to get up! Well, I’m up!

I text dad to see if he wanted to take a shake to work so I threw half a banana in with a  scoop of almond butter and Be Well Nutella, and 2 scoops of Herbalife Cafe Latte. Very tasty!

Around 11am, I whipped up brunch for Frank and myself. Franks shake included Cafe Latte Shake mix, chocolate shake mix, Be Well Nutella, Almond Butter, and sugar free Torani coconut syrup to make a Pseudo-Almond Joy.

After Barry’s fascination with the Blueberry cheesecake shake from our Denny’s Breakfast menu, I was in the mood for a cheesecake shake, myself. Returning to the good ol’ shakes, I threw together a coffee and a Mixed Berry Cheesecake:WP_003304

  • 1 Tbsp sugar free fat free Cheesecake pudding mix
  • 1 scoop vanilla shake mix
  • 1/4 cup fresh blueberries
  • 1/2 cup Welch’s Antioxidant frozen Mixed Berry Blend

WP_003305I like to add fat free graham crackers to my cheesecake shakes, but this morning I added about 1/4 cup multigrain Cheerios on top to give me a crunchy aspect. It worked out great! I always feel so much more satiated when I eat my shakes with a spoon… its probably all in my head…

In an ultimate procrastination mood, I did a few things around the house. I finally decided to call work and see what the unit looked like and was told I would be on the desk. Well, after my mini anxiety about the granola bar, and the recent knowledge that I would be sitting for 8 hours, I decided I needed to feel somewhat accomplished.

Frank found an old picture of his dad and some family friends. The edges were starting to brown and get tattered-looking, so I grabbed the picture and took a little brisk walk, about 1 mile round trip, got a copy and enhancement made, and returned with it framed. He really liked it!

I’m always happy when I can make others smile:)

FYI: August 1st began National Sandwich Month. I’m kicking it off with a left over meatloaf sandwich! Holla! I grabbed the last slice of Honey Mustard Crusted Poultryloaf, threw it on a slice of multigrain with BBQ sauce, and headed to work with my NCLEX book in hand. I must say, the loaf was even better the next day!

As I arrived at work, I stopped by the caf to grab a drink, only to be greated my blueberry pies. Proud that I kept I walking, I came onto my unit to find a pile of temptation in the break room…

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Look away! While at the desk, I could only think of the mini blueberry scone… I cut a little piece off and walked away. Thank God! My plan was to drink lots of fluid and chew gum to keep my mind off the thought of a pastry! I ran to the caf to grab dinner for some busy nurses and grabbed some cucumbers and the like, along with a SF chocolate pudding. I love chocolate pudding with crumbled grahams! So far so good.

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One of the girls had brought peppers and cherry tomatoes in from her garden so I grabbed a few tomatoes to snack on. Finding some salsa, I decided to snack on the peppers. They looked like habeneros…

I guess I was feeling pretty ballsy or that the salsa what act as a coolant, because I bit into that thing like a champ. HOT PEPPER!!! I had to grab a drink and blow my nose… not ssuch a smart decision on my part.

With my good intake for the day, I cut a 1/4 of one of the Devils Food Crumb donuts as a chocolate treat. Damn it, Entenmanns! Why do the crumbs taste so good?!!?

I’m a really crumby person…

I have a problem with crumbs! Like I’ll be that weird person that eats thecrumbs left in the donut box, just so I can feel like I ate a donut…. Despite, still being 500 calories under what I alot myself, I still was having major calorie anxiety!

I wish I could figure out why? Is there something else manifesting itself as calorie anxiety? Am I nervous about the upcoming NCLEX? Is that why I’m not sleeping? What is going on with me?

Refrain Running

Not, refrain from running! Refrain Running. Music is very important to me. In fact, one of my first memories with my dad is him singing (he is a fantastic singer, by the way) and dancing with me. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, a refrain is a part of a song, like the chorus… the part that gets repeated in between the verses…

On my brief, but most needed, run yesterday, I came up with the term “Refrain Running.” I know the right music sets the tone for my workouts. For instance, I have a difficult time running to slower songs, but some up beat songs have an off beat which throws off the sequence of my run. It sounds silly, but its true! Like Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.. Ilove that song, it pumps me up, but I have a hard time running to it because the beat makes me want to strut down the street like I’m cool or something. Haha!

Anyway, with this in mind, I noticed that I run during certain parts of songs, and power walk during other parts, creating a great interval routine! Here are some songs I realized work well with this concept:

  • Pitbulll- Hotel Room Service
  • Rooney- When Did Your Heart Go Missing
  • Adam Lambert- If I Had You
  • Ludacris ft. Pharrell– Money Maker

I’ll add to this list as I come across these songs, but its a great way to coordinate intervals into running without using a distance tracker or an app.

Lastly,

WP_003306I have noticed that my hair has gotten so much thicker! And with my new hair growth, new bangs, well, fuller bangs! My mom was a hairdresser so I’m relatively savy on trimming my bangs, so snip, snip, and viola! I Love it!

This lead me to this thought:

With new health, comes new hair! 

Picking Away

Despite being super sleepy, I spent another night not being able to shut down.

Being awake and not having the mental capacity to study, I flipped through some of my favorite channels and decided on Unique Eats on Cooking Channel. This episode ended on a cupcake note, which caused a late night sweet tooth. I went into the freezer to grab spoonful of fat free cool whip to see Frank’s pint of Chunky Monkey. I never buy Ben & Jerry’s because, although, theirs flavor combinations are absolutely spectacular, their calorie counts are absolutely outrageous! Wanting an added crunch, I dug into the Chunky Monkey to pull out a piece of chocolate and a walnut. This was my first experience with Chunky Monkey and I can tell why its so popular! Banana ice cream with chocolate chunks and walnuts! If that doesn’t say “Sammy” I don’t know what does!

Dear Frank,

If you decided to have your Chunky Monkey ice cream, you may find a lack of chunky. Sorry bout that….

Sammy

I felt proud of myself for being able to stop after one serving, but I won’t lie when I tell you I made sure to make that half cup worth it, picking for the chocolate and walnuts. Luckily, I had calories to spare last night, and after a brief increase in my respirations, I reassured myself.

There is one flavor of Ben & Jerry’s that I have wanted to buy, but just can’t bring myself to do it: Chubby Hubby- vanilla malt ice cream with fudge, peanut butter, and pretzels!

Get this- 340 calories per 1/2 cup! Crazy!

It seemed last night, there was no one thing on my mind. I kept playing around with recipe ideas. I kept picking my brain about when I would eat this and that, and what to bring to work, and what was on my shopping list, and how I can play around with ingredients…

Barry picked me up around 10am this morning to meet a buddy for work at the range. It was cool because we weren’t just shooting Barry’s, but John’s also! We all took turns playing around with the guns and switching out targets.

WP_003252Following our time at the range, Barry and I headed to Wholefoods for lunch. They’re ridiculous soup bar has always impressed me, so while Barry loaded up on man foods (meatloaf, chili, and mashed potatoes), I went with the Vegan Hot and Sour soup, and we ate outside on the patio. I was a bit disappointied in the lack of hot in the soup, taste, not temperature.

Nonetheless, we continued to stroll through Wholefoods, looking for some new products on the market, which we couldn’t find just yet. I did leave, however, leave with two items I was quite excited about.

Peaches!!!! Not any old peaches, Donut Peaches, AKA Saturn Peaches. I love these things and I can only find them this time of year! The look like flattened peaches, but they are so sweet and delicious, and my mom and I can literally eat a whole basket of these! Talk about healthy trigger foods.

Top 10 Reasons to Try a Donut Peach

WP_003259Also making an appearance in my cart was Arctic Zero Chocolate Peanut Butter frozen dessert. The cool thing about these products is that the entire pint is 150 calories! I’m not kidding! My only issue is that there wasn’t enough PB flavor. So after a teaspoon of added PB and jimmies, this was aces and I couldn’t feel an ounce of guilt.

WP_003253After lunch, Barry got thirsty and ventured to pick out a drink. “I was what you called me on the blog…” Uhhhhh???? “You’re ‘blueberry fiend of a boyfriend…” Well, its true!

What do you think he wound up getting to drink? IZZE Sparkling BlueberrySHOCKER!

Dinner was a frozen pizza. I’ve really wanted pizza that past few days and I’ve always had good luck with Amy’s pizza. On the menu was Amy’s Margherita pizza. Wow! I’m pretty sure I could have eaten the whole darn thing myself! The crust is  fluffy, and the basil seasoning was tops with the light tomato and globs of mozzarella! After our last experience with Kashi frozen pizza, I was relieved when this was excellent! I may have made a trip back to the kitchen later to pick at the leftover pizza. (They make a vegan version of this, too, by the way).

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After some loving from Lily, Barry’s dog, the night is ending on a rather exciting note: Studying for the boards. Since I am terribly entertaining, Barry whipped out his Nook.

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Its the Little Things

Last night, was another sleepless and restless night. I don’t know if it was from my minor binge or if its because I had coffee later in the day, or if its because my mom and I are still on the rocks. Either way, I laid in bed for hours last night, just thinking about my upcoming day trip to seaside tomorrow… stressing about what I’m going to eat.

WP_003140I know I get excited over really trivial things, but yesterday my new scale came! I’m not sure if I shared with you that my food scale died on me last week. To test it, I put a baby carrot on it and it said it weighed like 805g! I don’t think so! After a trial of changing batteries, ensuring I was using a level surface, and weighing a bunch of random items, I had to accept that the scale was no longer working. RIP scale. You have been good to me. I ordered a new scale off cooking.com and lucked out when I saw it was on sale! Yesterday, a brown box arrived with a cooking.com sticker. “It’s here!!!” According to Barry, my excitement was quite amusing! I was so excited to actually see how many Popcorners actually equaled an ounce!

Yesterdays free sample from the pet store was an item I had never seen. I thought, initially it was a dog treat, but after further reading, it turned out to be actual dog food… freeze-dried dog food! Beauty loved it! The product is called Stella & Chewy’s. Beauty had the Stella’s Super Beef Dinner. They also make cat food, which I’ll have to try for Bunny. What I really liked about this product was that the first 6 ingredients actually were BEEF, followed by real ingredients like spinach, beets, pumpkin seeds, and cranberries. There are also frozen products and pet treats, as well as a nifty calculator to determine how much food your dog or cat will require based on weight, activity level, and type of food. To add to the already cool concept of freeze-dried pet food, Stella & Chewy’s donates a portion of their profits to no-kill shelters and animal rescues!

*Please know that this review is NOT sponsored my Stella & Chewy’s in any way.

WP_003137As I told you yesterday, I like fruit in my shakes, and I cannot lie! I used my new scale to weigh out everything today! First, was the banana for my Blueberry Banana Latte shake.

1/2  frozen banana

1 scoop Herbalife Cafe Latte mix

2 Tbsp Da Vinci sugar free Blueberry syrup

(1/4 tsp xanthum, optional)

Frank’s shake turned out super delicious! I threw a bunch of frozen cantaloupe and some frozen mango in with vanilla shake mix!

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Tomorrow, I am taking dad to the shore, so the last few days, I’ve been trying to eat right since boardwalk food isn’t exactly known to be the healthiest… especially not  the stuff that I want to eat like pizza, sausage, and custard! (Not all together, but you know…)

Although the little binges do not help, my eating has been decent otherwise. My diet has been full of fruits and veggies lately, too! One of the many pros of warm weather is fresh produce!

I was back at work tonight. Dinner was simple and in the form of a hot pocket-esque burrito: Amy’s Tofu Scramble in a Pocket Sandwich. My past experience with tofu scrambles is that they require a decent amount of seasoning, so just in case, I brought some chili powder and crushed red pepper flakes to work with me.

WP_003139After last night’s snack attack, I wanted to be prepared, so I also sliced half a bell pepper and brought it to work with some Walden Farms dressing for dipping.

Now let me tell you what really happened… Obviously, I typed up my dinner before leaving for work. I arrived at work only to find out that our census on the unit had recently dropped. Okay, I guess either Katie or myself will get pulled to another unit. Then, I found out that the entire hospital had a low census and neither one of us was needed. One of us was being sent home. Since Katie was driving from Pennsylvania, and I knew she would be arriving shortly, I surprised myself when I offered to go home. I only live about 20 minutes away and I took it as a sign from God to study for the boards, and protect myself from the cupcakes in the break room. It also gave me the opportunity to talk things out with mom…

I decided to head back to the pet store to grab Beauty a bag of the new dog food, see what all the hype was about with this Blue Buffalo stuff, and grab Bunny a sample of Stella & Chewy’s to try.

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The cat enjoyed her Heavenly Herring and Tuna, and Beauty scarfed down her small can of Wellness, as she always does. I like Wellness food for her because like Stella & Chewy’s the first ingredients actually are meat! In the past, Beauty has really enjoyed the Turkey & Sweet Potato and the Venison & Sweet Potato. This morning, I mixed half of the small can of Duck & Sweet Potato with her dry food. On this visit, I grabbed the Lamb & Sweet Potato, as well as S&C’s Duck, Duck, Goose freeze-dried patties. As for Bunny, I recently tried him with Wellness food, and he, too, ate his bowl clean. The canned cat food happened to be on sale (woot, woot)! I’ll let you know about the Blue Buffalo. I definitely would agree that the dry food is too expensive!

It amazes me some of the food combinations that companies have for animals. I don’t believe in spending a fortune on pet food, but I do believe that my animals are my family and should be treated as such. I’m glad that there are companies that feel the same, and create foods to nourish our babies!

I came home and devoured my sliced bell pepper! I was so hungry. Barry stopped by before he headed off to work, and Frank and I began to assemble our dinners. Since I was home, we sprinkled a salmon fillet with some adobo and baked it in the toaster over. We both created a spring mix salad, mine with peppers, carrots, and onions, a piece of the salmon fillet, and a drizzle of fat free Honey Dijon. Frank kicked it Ceasar-style.

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Meanwhile, work called to bring me in at 7pm. I was not too apt to drive back to work since I had just arrived back home from there. After a discussion with the supervisor, we worked things out and I was able to stay home for the night. Now, I can go to bed early to prepare for tomorrow, do some laundry, study, and relax, plus I already picked up extra shifts for the week! I’m thankful things worked out!

Still a bit hungry, I indulged in some cantaloupe and pretzel sticks! Yeah… now that I type it out, thats a weird combination…

You can’t feel too bad about eating too much fruit… I’d rather eat that than junk food…

You know that feeling you get when you check Facebook, and you have a new friend request, or when someone invites you to an event, or when you get a new follower on Tumblr. I had that feeling waking up this morning. I received two emails from wordpress.com, the host site of Be Well Bundo. One stated that a person liked “Everyone Needs Cheerleaders” and the other, that I had gotten a new follower. Naturally, I get curious about these people and return the favor of checking out their blogs. Both people were using blogging to help cope with their eating disorders, one with anorexia, and the other with bingeing and bulimia.

I read through some of their posts, recognizing their feelings and sentiments, remembering being in those similar situations, trying to find ways out. Its the little things like that, that make me smile. Knowing that through our blogs, we not only help each other, but ourselves. We have outlets, validation of our feelings, knowing we are not alone, and most importantly, making new friends and contacts to be our cheerleaders in the fight.

Its the little things like that…

Record Breaking

I woke up this morning bright eyed, and bushy tailed! Maybe its because I slept with the windows open last night and the fresh air was enlightening?

Spring decided to to skip this year and summer is upon us! Today, Wilmington broke records! We hit 90 degrees today! And it was beautiful!

I began this morning, by making a Kahlua shake before heading to class:WP_002061

2 scoops chocolate protein powder

1/2 frozen banana

1 Tbsp sugar free DaVinci Kahlua flavoring

handful of spinach

water

ice

After class, I had a little over an hour to kill before my graduation seminar. (Isn’t that awesome to say? “Graduation!”)  It was so beautiful outside, I sat out in the courtyard with a friend and studied for tomorrows exam.

Beautiful weather, like this makes studying so much more difficult! I just want to walk around outside, ride a bike, anything but keep my nose in a book!

With this malted milk ball kick that I’ve been on, I found Reese’s Whoppers, malted milk balls in a peanut butter coating! You can bet your bottom they were awesome!

Dinner and brain food was seasoned roasted vegetables topped with an egg over easy! Yum!

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Dessert was some more brain food. Dad got me Quaker Blackberry Pomegranate rice cakes. I dipped these in some chunky PB and woah did it taste like PB&J! Heck yes!

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Backstreets Back

Yesterday, when I packed my salad and yogurt, I wanted something to keep it cold, well, cool, at least.

I could not find my lunch box, however, I could find my very old lunch box.

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I thought you’d all get a kick out of that.

I woke with one thing on my mind… breakfast, specifically a  breakfast sandwich! In honor of National Frozen Foods Day, I compromised and whipped out a Special K frozen Sausage, Egg, and Cheese on Multigrain Flatbread breakfast Sandwich (with hot sauce, of course). Ok, two things on my mind…. Coffee!

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Lunch was a shake. I found a recipe awhile back made it today:WP_001409 WP_001414

3/4  cup  chopped kale, ribs and thick stems removed

1  small stalk celery, chopped

1/2  banana

1/2  cup  apple juice

1/2  cup  ice

1  tablespoon  fresh lemon juice

I was really excited because my shake looked like Christmas (the green from the veggies and the red from the apple skins). It was a filling shake, but definitely not tops. I can’t see myself making this again. However, it did give me another throwback to my childhood As I cut up the fruit, I could not help but to sing….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFfvbu02JTI

I was a big Barney fan back in the day!

Today is a studying kind of day! I need to kick some serious butt on these next two exams!

The remainder of my day was spent with my nose in the books. Snacking of course, was necessary to give me some brain power. Two snacks were particularly aces in my book:
Wasa Light and Crisp cracker with sunflower butter and nutella, sprinkled with sunflower seeds! A banging 100 calorie snack!

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My dessert for the night was a makeshift parfait. I was all out of fresh fruit but I still had some fruit cups and thus a fruit cup and cottage cheese parfait was born. It was topped with some ch-ch-ch-chia seeds for a little texture!

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Antioxidants

You know I never let anything go to waste. I had blanched a pear in some lemon juice and frozen it a while back. I woke up really wanting to use this pear in a shake this morning. I had seen a couple shake recipes using pears so I played of of those to make this mornings shake:

1/2 frozen pearWP_001074

1/4 to 1/2 frozen banana slices

2 -3 tsp cashew butter

1 scoop Herbalife Vanilla Formula 1

1/2 pkt Fruitein Rainbow Shake mix*

1 cup Bai5 Brasilia Blueberry

handful of kale

1/4 tsp xanthum

ice

I wanted something filling, with some natural sugars to keep me powered through this study day. This shake is like an antioxidant heaven!

Studying ensued for the rest of the day. I realized I needed my first study break after a period of delirium when I began baby talking to Beauty… a quick little circuit should do the trick.

Back to studying until hunger kicked in… As I grabbed some Wasa, nutella, and Planters Berry PB, mom went and got Arby’s for dinner (Yay, coupons!). French dip with a bit of horsey sauce! Yum!

I also had an Orange Cranberry Gnu bar, which did a great job holding me over for a while! (look for the Gnu review, coming soon!)

Studying for the rest of the night! Wish me luck tomorrow!

* I found Fruitein at the co-op and wanted to give it a try. The Rainbow flavor caught my eye as a power house of health! It has over 115 Whole Food Concentrates. I mean, the ingredients list blows my mind: white fig, carrot, pomegranate, yellow pepper, pineapple, garlic, spirulina… and things I’ve never heard of: noni? mangosteen? wolfberry? The shake is vegetarian and gluten free.