Loca

After dinner, with Barry and dad, Friday night, I went back to dads for bit, before the father and I headed out to the DAP to celebrate the retirement of a buddy of his. Gerry is a retired Detective and his buddies at the DAP honored him with a shadow box. After a few speeches, they presented the shadow box and Gerry followed it up with a heartfelt and humorous speech of his own.

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Congratulations, Gerry, on your retirement and thank you for your many years of service!

After an hour or so of socializing, dad and I headed home to complete our DDDNight with some Twilight Zone, celery, and salsa.

I woke up the next morning and cooked dad a breakfast sandwich with egg whites, bacon and coleslaw mix to take to work. Hot sauce was included, and he enjoyed the different crunch. While dad was at work, I made a platter for myself along with some mocha, before heading to my mom’s place.

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And, boy, was that an adventure!

So here is how loopy my OCD makes me:

Today is National Cashew Day so I planned on topping a shake bowl with honey roasted cashews. Mom took the cashews to work, but I wasn’t aware of that until after I made the shake. She wasn’t answering me when I asked her about the nuts, and everytime I said something, she couldn’t here me and everything stupidly snowballed into an axiety attack. I was so nervous that with my intention foiled, I would go on a snack session! Before I knew it, I got ansy and when my anxiety gets really bad, my wrist starts to move. Not like a twitch, just a nervous, anxious movement. As I stood there, with my eyes closed, in the kitchen, trying to breath and center and talk myself down, my mom came in to repremand me on my attitude. I asked her, “Please, mom, not right now,” but she continued. (Thats a problem with the women in my family… we ALL like to have the last word! ) Things blew up, mom stormed out, and I collapsed in toa ball on the kitchen floor, crying in a panic attack.

After calming, and controlling my wrist, I went to my moms room to apologize for my behavior. It scares me often I let this eating disorder control me and how much it changes my personality when it rears is stupid, dumb, paranoid head!

Things are much better with mom and I, now. Thank, God!

I gathered myself and made a Pina Colada bowl and topped it with Kashi Go Lean cereal and a few crush cinnamon sugar Grammy Crisps. Delicious! Plus, I threw some spinach in there for some added nutrients!

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  • 1 -2 scoop vanilla protein
  • half frozen banana
  • 1/4 to 1/3 cup frozen pineapple
  • water
  • ice
  • handful of spinach (optional)
  • zanthum and guar (optional)

Yeah, baby! Delicious! Considering its 40 F outside, I made the last of my Pumpkin Spice Brulee tea from Teavana, to warm up, and channeled my emotions into tidying up my bedroom (“much needed” is an understatement) and doing some laundry.

I then packed up and headed off to work. I felt exhausted the entire drive and the complete walk up to my unit, but as always, work has a way of making me clear. My fatigue was gone and I was pulled to the oncology unit for the evening. Break was a big platter of broccoli and carrots, topped with old bay, and the last of my chicken and barley soup. I even had grahms and applesauce as a snack!

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Thank God, this night turned around!

Cleaning Out My Addiction

I was able to squeeze in about 4 hour of sleep before being woken up by some family quarreling outside my bedroom door. I was pretty nervous that this shift was going to be a long one. I wasn’t sure what today would have in store for me either. If you recall, the last night shift I worked went great and went to hell when I got home.

Some days coffee really hits the spot. Before heading off for night shift last night, I brewed a mug of Chocolate Cherry coffee and added a splash of sugar free Kahlua flavored syrup. Delicious!

I arrived at work to find that I was, again, on a 1:1. Okay, this is looking a lot like last Friday night…

After reading a few chapters of a book I brought, it was lunch time. A nice filling helping of Bundo Broccoli Salad, with slices of apples and cucumbers and PB on the side. I was very full at the end of this meal and prayed that this recognition of fullness would last for the remainder of my shift. And it did! It was a water-filled, fiberful meal!

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I was freezing upon returning to my 1:1 and was so thankful for the hot green tea I had just brewed! I’ve noticed a mildly sore throat the WP_003867last two days, and I’m positive its from the Fall allergies and crazy weather fluctuations. I’ve been trying to stay proactive in the fight buy drinking hot green tea. I managed to get a few chapter read, however, and finalize a project I’ve been working on.

I had a sense that today, too, would be a long one. After getting done work at 7am, I wanted to attend a forum at 730, since it had to do with a large number of my patient population on my unit. My plan was to go home afterwards and whip up a shake.

WP_003869I have been wanting to make a Key Lime smoothie for a while now, but I wasn’t about to pass up National Chocolate Milkshake Day! On my way out of my meeting, I saw someone had brought in a huge bag of Halloween candy… Snickers of all things! I was so proud of myself for ignoring it, but when I arrived home, I attempted a Snickers shake for breakfast. It definitely did not taste like a snickers, but it was very filling and I went with it. In fact, I came back to finish it while working on dad’s birthday surprise. I wound up adding it my mug a coffee to create a mocha latte of sorts. Frank had requested a Pina Colada shake, and I have to say, it was one of the best I’ve made. But, alas, it still was NOT bedtime! It was bake time. For the past few weeks, I’ve been working on a recipe for dad’s birthday. Today was the day I finally got to put my creative juice into fruition. I was praying for success and thats what I got! Thank you, God! The house smelled heavenly an I got to use one of my favorite fall ingredient!

WP_003870Around 1pm, I snacked on some dry cereal and sparkling water. Something did not sit right and I actually got sick! I’m always keeping it interesting, aren’t I?

Since I had time at work, I decide to go through my phone. I had so many  favorites that I had created when I was in the height of my illness. I went through, deleting so many things. Why did I save that? I’m never going to cook that. Oh that sound good! I did the same thing when I got home and began weeding through my recipe binders, throwing out useless recipes and things I knew would never be made. I was hoping this might help refocus some of my attention and inspire some healthy meals to come.