Its Almost Here

Wednesday

Food and Emotions

As proud as I was of my eating last night at work, one thing was on my mind when I left: those donuts from the morning. I decided that slicing a quarter would be a nice treat. Although it didn’t do the trick like I thought it would, it put a sweet tooth in me that needed to be satisfied. I traveled around the kitchen biting into crackers, cheerios, Reese pieces… Anything with a salty sweet crunch. I realized it was anxiety, not hunger. I wish I would have realized it earlier but at least I realized it, and still did not go over my calorie allotment.

I’m finding the closer my exam gets, the more anxious eating I want to do but the more calorie paranoid I get. Yeah… A catch 22 kind of thing. I really am quite nervous for my exam. Just scheduling it made me nauseous and now that everyone has been passing, I have this nightmare that I’m going to be the one that fails.

I have faith in myself. Most importantly, I have faith in the Lord. I know the Lord wants me to be a nurse, to care for His children. I have trial through so much during nursing school, at work, home, and school, and there is no doubt in my mind that I shouldn’t pass. God will guide me.

Start back on track at the next meal.

WP_003387With today being National Creamsicle Day, I honored it by making a Creamsicle Shake using half a packet of Betty Lou’s Low Glycemic Orange Cream powder, water, ice, 1/2 tsp SF orange jello, and 1/4 tsp xanthum. Yum!

Before laying down, in an attempt to sleep before work, I ate a big bowl of watermelon to fill me up!

I’m packing  a Smart Ones Chicken Marsala for my night shift meal to see if it can compare to my beloved Lean Cuisine version.

At this point, in the studying game, I have officially killed two highlighters and am working on #3. I couldn’ t sleep because all I could think about was the exam. I am literally sick to my stomach over this thing. I’m have chest pain and I just want to cry from this nervousness!

Thursday

Although everyone’s meals smelled delicious, my stomach was too upset to enjoy my intended Smart Ones meal. I opted for my emergency soup with saltines. I saved some celery sticks and PB2 for a later snack. The shift went rather quickly as a I spent all my down time studying for the upcoming exam.

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Upon arriving home this morning, I was definitely hungry. Since the temperature serious dropped this morning, I opted for something warm. I came across this by accident, one day, I brewed coffee in the Keurig and mixed it with an Atkins Mixed Berry shake.

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The box was kind of banged up and I wanted to use it soon, so I took advantage of this cool morning. While sipping on this, I channeled my nervous energy into baking. I was inspired by my Strawberry muffins, the other day, to make a different type of muffin. I, of course, I had to try them out.

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Take One wasn’t bad. I think I know what alterations I need to make to satisfy your and my muffin craving.

After studying the day away, after being told I should take the day off, I finally fell asleep for a brief hour or so. Upon waking up, although my anxiety had messed with me to the point of losing my appetite, I wanted to keep with my plans for dinner.

Pistachio and Honey Mustard Crusted SalmonWP_003527

serves 4

  • 2 Tbsp Honey Mustard sauce, or mustard of choice
  • 2 tsp non fat sour cream
  • 1/2 tsp Braggs Liquid Aminos, or reduced sodium soy sauce
  • 1 tsp garlic, minced
  • half 1/8 tsp black pepper
  • half 1/8 tsp dill
  • 1/4 cup pistachios, in shell (15g out of shell)
  • 4 4oz salmon fillets

Preheat oven to 350 F. Combine mustard through spices and mix well. Set aside. Remove the pistachios from the shells and chop. Place the salmon fillets, skin side down, on a baking sheet covered in foil and sprayed with non stick cooking spray. Divide the mustard mix over the salmon fillets and top with chopped pistachios. Bake uncovered for about 8 minutes-10 minutes, until salmons center is opaque.

I served mine with a side of spinach, onion, and mustard, like a pseudo-salad,

After a cinnamon covered almond, I came up with the idea of topping a 100 calorie bag of kettle corn with cinnamon and a packet of Splenda. Kind of genius!

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Friday

Recipe for Success

I woke up in the right mindset. I called my Alarm the “Alarm of Success.” I began the day as I do all exam days: with Dunkin and oatmeal. I took a brief jog to the Dunkin to burn off some nervous energy, grabbed my coffee, and like always, I grabbed dad one and a toasted everything bagel with cream cheese. I even got my little brother a little something.

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I sat down at the kitchen table and stuck with tradition. Dad came over to give me good luck hugs and to enjoy a bit of breakfast. I made sure to take a nibble of the bagel, like I always did. I knew I needed to stop studying! I brought Barry lunch at work and killed some time there. As he walked me back to my car, I could feel a panic attack setting in.

I sat in the car trying to breath and divert my attention elsewhere. I checked my email, and it was just what I needed! It was from my manager. Usually I cringe when I get emails from him (you never know whats in store):

gianna

“I’m gonna be a nurse! I’m a nurse!” I shouted this in the car as I drove away from Barry’s work!

I headed home, called my grandma for some calming words of wisdom and inspiration, and headed off to the exam. I sat in the car, music playing, singing loudly in the parking lot, and enjoying my sugar free mint pattie, as I always do, pre exam.

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This thing was more intense than nursing school exams. I was only allowed my ID and ATT card. They asked me to remove my necklace, but wrote a note that I kept it on since it was a cross. I removed my watch and hair ties off my wrist and locked them in a provided locker. They even noted any visible tattoos! It was intense. Now, I play the waiting game. The nauseous waiting game causing me nervous snacking and more anxiety! The nauseous waiting game causing me nervous snacking and more anxiety and body issues! Yeah… its like that.

America’s Fittest Cities

WP_003309I wound up having an anxiety attack around 9 last night in the bathroom at work. I found out some troubling things on top of my already stressed out state of mind. A family had brought a big box of muffins and bagels in for us. The thought is so wonderful, but the temptation is enough to send me o er the edge. I tried ignoring it, eating another snack of graham crackers to substitute for the crunch. Eventually, I sliced a small sliver of a muffin to feel like I wasn’t completely depriving myself of it. I got my fix but, Lord, did I want to crawl in a ball and cry.

I text dad, but it didn’t seem to help. And finding out other news aided to my frustration. I was still under my calorie alottment for the day, but that doesn’t seem to matter to this crazy mind of mine, lately. For the past week, I’ve wanted snacks but cringed if I eat more than 500 calories.

I can’t have my cake and eat , too, ya know? literally!!

Things just got worse when I left work. I won’t got into details but things at home just went from bad to worse…

I ended up going to my dads house. I knew I wasn’t hungry but I wanted something. My nerves were shot and I needed crunch. I wound up going to town on these little puff nuggets of bacon cheddar poofness:

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Despite knowing I wasn’t hungry but ate anyway, I was okay. Oddly enough, I had more anxiety at work surrounded by the tempting sweets than actually bring at home eating… Sometimes being around my dad just calms me. Especially on a night like last night.

To a little better…

I began to perk up a bit after weighing myself. I haven’t done so in a month or so, which is pretty impressive for a girl who used to weigh herself everyday and spazz I’ve a tenth of kilogram difference in weight. I was very happy with the number.

As much as I wanted to be with Barry, and as wonderful as he was for driving all the way to my house at midnight to make sure I was okay, it was just a night I needed my dad.

WP_003312I had a plan in my head for today and I refused to shy away from it. I wanted to hit the farmers market and 2 other stores before work.  I woke up, feeling refreshed , and thinking it was like 9am. Nope, it was 11am! Hustling to the kitchen, I popped a Van’s Belgian Multigrain Waffles in the toaster and some eggs and Canadian bacon in the skillet. I topped the the waffle with sugar free blueberry preserves and dug in! I enjoy that sweet, buttermilky waffle with slight salt from the bacon.

I decided to have my sweet earlier rather than later, thinking it might deter my late night sweet tooth.

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Shortly after finishing my yummy sugar free chocolate pudding and grahams (and the crumbs left in the box from those Devil Food Crumb donuts), one of the nurses pulled out a birthday cake and cut into it. Damn it! Whipped cream with jimmies! Really, universe??? I cut a small sliver and may have stole the nilla wafer and strawberry that were on top. Throughout the night, I cut two more slivers of the same size and felt proud that I did not over indulge.

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Claire kept calling me to the front desk, and I kept telling her I was in the middle of something. Then I figured out why… Barry surprised me at work! I thought he was away at drill, but there he stood in camo at the front of the unit (with a diet Cherry Dr. Pepper in hand)!

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I packed a light dinner, in the form of a reduced sodium miso soup packet and threw some steamed broccolli slaw to give it a bit of texture. A cranberry apple hot tea, accompanied it…

I had a great shift, kept busy, worked well with everyone, loved my patients, and even managed to get some studying in!

This article caught my eye and I thought I’d give it a share…Top 5 Fittest Cities:

  • Minneaoplis/ St. Paul
  • DC
  • Portland
  • San Fran
  • Denver

The good news for me is that I’m kinda close to 1 of those cities… The bad news is that I’m closer to more cities of the obese list!

Delaware is ranked 26th, which, I guess, isn’t terrible… middle of the road… Where does your home rank?

I would love to hear from you about where your home ranks, how you perceive your area, and what you do to encourage fitness and over all good health?

For a graduation gift, my girlfriend got me a subscription to Fitness Magazine, which I thought was an awesome idea! I’m not the fittest, and I’m certainly no health guru, but I know a lot about health and fitness and enjoy learning about it. In fact, its kind of funny… even though I went threw my eating disorder, the girls at work still come to me for my knowledge of health and fitness!

At this point in time, I am not as active as I used to be. I think once I take my boards, I’ll pick back up. But I still park further away, take the stairs, go to Zumba, and watch what I eat, and its like that picture from yesterday said:

“No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping the people on the couch.”

Going Bananas with Snow Mieser

Early bird catches the worm? More like, early bird requires an afternoon nap. When I left the house this  morning, it was 19 degrees F outside and there was a coating of snow! BRRRRR! Glad I brought some hot tea with me. My mom was so sweet! She got up before me and started my car so it would be warmed up for me! Thanks, mom! Mr. SnowMieser needs to take a chill pill.

Mondays and Tuesdays are tricky for me. I have to be at my clinical site by 0645 and I’m there until about 1330. We get  a lunch break, but until then, theres not much time to eat. These are the days I tend to bring my bars, so I can snag a bite on a “bathroom break.” I also tend to bake bite size/ snack size muffins and things that I can nibble on throughout my morning.
Thats what I did today. Yesterday, I took advantage of my new Walnut butter and adapted a recipe from Julie and made these babies:

ImageOatmeal Banana Nut Butter Cookies! Julie’s recipe used PB, but I wanted to incorporate my new nut butter! And, duh, banana and walnut? Wal-nana! Always a winning combo!
Since Walnuts, and Walnut butter aren’t super flavorful like peanut butter, I did a 1:1 mix and voila!

Oatmeal Walnana Muffin Cookies
makes about 4 dozen

2 ripe bananas, mashedImage

2 Tbsp plus 2 tsp creamy peanut butter

2 Tbsp plus 2tsp Artisana Walnut Butter
1/3 cup unsweetened applesauce
1/2 cup Splenda brown sugar
3 Tbsp liquid egg whites
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 1/4 cup old fashioned oats
1/4 cup whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
Preheat the oven 350 degrees. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper or spray with cooking spray or use a mini muffin tin.
Mix bananas, nut butters, apple sauce and Splenda together. Add egg and vanilla. In a separate bowl, combine oats, flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Slowly add the oat mixture into the banana mixture until everything is combined. Place spoonfuls of dough on the cookie sheet or into the tins and bake for approximately 10 – 12 minutes.
ImageNutrition for 48 cookies: 1 cookie:
Calories: 43
Fat: 1.3g
Sat. Fat: 0.1g
Cholesterol: 5.2mg
Sodium: 55.2mg
Carbs: 6g
Fiber: 0.6g
Sugar: 1.4g
Protein: 1.1g
This batch gave me around 52 pop-ables. This recipe also gave me the opportunity to use my new cookie scoop that I got myself for Christmas, too! I get excited over the weirdest things, don’t I? haha
They turned out better than I expected! The banana flavor shown brightly and the nut butters were complimentary, not overbearing, as some nut butters can be! I can’t wait to try other nut butters! But, oh man, were they good!I got out of clinical early today and decided to bring dad some lunch at work. I stopped by ImageClaymont Steak Shoppe (known for their cheesesteaks) and picked him up some lunch! This thing was huge! I dressed it Philly style: fried onions, mushrooms, and wiz. For lunch, I packed Banana Chobani flip and Multigrain PB Cheerios and Chocolate Fiber One 80.
What can I say? “So nice, I ate it twice!” But don’t get me wrong, I definitely helped dad finish that steak. 😉
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And to add to out filling lunch: Chia Seed Cookies!
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These cookies were like sugar cookies that melted in your mouth! I love Newark Natural Foods (the “co-op” as we call it)! I always get amazing baked goods from them!
I also picked up a new addition to the Bundo Nut Butter Family:
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When I got home, I welcomed the almond butter by spreading it on one of the walnana nuggets! MMM!
While we are on the subject of bananas, still, have you ever had Larabar’s Banana Bread? You know I have a freakish obsession for bars, so I’ve decided to start a bars files on the page reviewing some bars.
The Banana Bread wasn’t what I expected. I has an almost burnt taste? Yeah, I guess thats the word…
What I like about Larabars, is what I like to call “pure.” There is nothing artificial in the bars and most of them are quite delicious! As for the Banana Bread, I’ll pass. The Bananas Foster Uber Bar is a little better and a lot nuttier. Its difficult to include banana into bars, unless its baked in. A lot of bars containing banana, use banana chips, which, in my opinion, take away some of that natural sweetness that attracts me to the fruit. I’ll keep on trying banana bars, but as of now, they’re not my first choice.
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I’m super stoked to try Thursday’s crock pot meal! Dad and I grabbed the last of the ingredients today! I stopped by the co-op in Newark to pick up some garam masala and Good Karma Flax  Milk.
Lots of studying to do tonight. With all this work in my life, I’m going to go bananas!