Hectic Weekend

Saturday

Last night ended with a handful of grapes and a bunch of pretzel sticks with Honey Mustard Dip. I was able to get close to 900 calories in yesterday! It was because I listened intently to my body. I ate when I was hungry, and stopped when I felt full (although I could have ate that whole darn birthday pie, myself). After I reviewed what I ate for the day, I was happy with it. I didn’t eat too much of one thing, and I didn’t eat too little, but that damn number is still hauntingly and dauntingly eating away at me.

I thought about why I could be getting so paranoid. A few things came to mind:

  • Vendemmia (a big wine and food festival coming up)
  • my girlfriend’s wedding
  • Halloween candy
  • Thanksgiving
  • Christmas cookies

I need to be able to take these events like any other person. Just listen to myself. I know this eating disorder is something I will live with the rest of my life, but as long as there are more good days than bad, and supportive people to help get me through them, I can live with it.

Today is National Eat a Hoagie Day. Although it technically wasn’t a hoagie, I made a breakfast sandwich that was pretty tasty of eggs, Canadian bacon, hot sauce and cheddar on toast.

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A little bit later, to hold me over until work, was a bowl of Greek yogurt I i splashed some sugar free pumpkin pie spice syrup into and topped with sunflower seeds for a nutty taste. And it really did the trick!

WP_003916I couldn’t quite wait for dinner but needed something in my belly. My assignment was a bit wacky and out of the ordinary, tonight, so I decided to take advantage of a short break and enjoy a tart granny smith apple. About two hours later, I had my actual dinner.

Dinner tonight was a spinach salad topped with half a Lean Cuisine Greek-style Chicken Salad Creation (minus the croutons).

WP_003917I really liked the cucumber dill dressing that came with it! Ever since I started making dill salads I’ve started to develop a taste for the herb.

I was proud of myself. When I arrived at work, there was a bowl filled with Reese cup miniatures. I went the while shift ignoring them. 7 pm hit like a tornado and I was non stop! . When I finally got to sit down and breath, o decided a salty sweep piece of chocolate was well deserved.

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Sunday

After work, last night, dad wanted me to come over and I was surprised by how hungry I was when I left work. I went to dads house and we stayed up late snacking on veggies and salsa. We even ate half a jar of roasted red peppers! They are so tasty, plain or on a saltine. (Please excuse dad’s pile of mail… its a bachelor pad,,, what do you expect?)I even took a bite of a hoagie, and actual hoagie! It was delicious! I had the calories to spare, and I had a great time!

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The temperature seriously dropped, last night. I know I didn’t need to, but I totally put on the footie pajamas! Yes, I am an adult and adore footie pajamas!! Even my dad says how solidly I sleep when I’m in them. I love this picture dad snapped of me. Red handed with a bell pepper and a jar of salsa in my sock monkey footies! We stayed up, I don’t even know until what time, watching Monk. It used to be our Friday thing before I got sick, so I really enjoyed having that with my dad, again. Its another reminded how important my recovery is.

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The next thing I knew, it was noon, today, and my dad was waking me up. I went back to my mom’s house to grab my medication, and try to keep busy before work. I first made my Key Lime Pie protein smoothie bowl, that I’ve been craving. Instead of the usually flax or crumbled graham topping, I topped it with flax and Fiber One cereal. It was so delicious, especially paired with a coffee. I recently got a new shipment of sugar free syrups flavors and I’ve been trying them out. Today’s first mug of coffee was flavored with Pumpkin Pie Spice SF syrup, and Eggnog SF syrup. Wow!

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I ran out to the oriental market to pick up a few necessities and returned home a bit manic about eating last night at dads. I worked with my best outlet and cooked. Its not really “cooking” but I made my girlfriend a batch of the Sammy San Seaweed Salad.  I can’t wait for her to taste it! I made a final cup of joe for a pick me up before work, flavored with another new flavor, English Toffee SF syrup. I’m glad I went with a second cup of coffee, today, because work had plans to keep me busy.

WP_003923I arrived at work to a birthday cake, which I ignored the entire shift! Not like I would have had time to eat any. I barely had time to chart, let alone eat my dinner. A few animal crackers helped to finish through the night, but I could not believe how busy it was! Weekends at the hospital are usually slow! SSSSSSLLLLLOOOOOWWWWW! Its typically filled with discharges and few admissions, and a lot of coworker banter. This weekend, I was lucky if I could grab a drink or go to the bathroom. Even the nurses were feeling the heat!

I was actually kind of relieved when I had to sit 1:1 at 2030. I was finally able to chart, grab a drink, and just breath.

Nurse Cake

WP_003707As my night shift was coming to an end, my stomach began to growl around 5am. I ignored this feeling the best I could. Around 530, I caved to a sugar free fruit cup. So sue me. A 45 calorie, sugar free fruit cup is whats going to upset me? This is ridiculous.

Around 6am, some nurses began to feel the hunger. Some toast english muffins, other trail mix, but it helps me to know that I am not the only one that gets thst end of shift hunger, and it makes me feel even better to know that I made a light and wise choice of food.

Arriving home about 2 and half hours later, the 45 calorie fruit cup had worn off. I snacked on half a slice of the left over Chicken Cheesesteak Pizza, another 45 calories. How can I hate myself for that? Its like I ate a 90 calorie snack bar, but instead of it being cereal and granola based, it was fruit and veggies! Get with the program, Sammy!

I stood in the shower, praying, deep breathing, almost like I was trying to wash the eating disorder and anxiety away. I finally laid down and slept until about 4pm, Thursday (8/29)

WP_003710I woke knowing I needed to eat despite my current feelings about my body. I went with a Dannon Light&Fit Greek Key Lime yogurt and topped it with some Special K Protein cereal. Although the cereal didn’t add loads of pizzazz of flavor to the yogurt, I enjoyed the crunch and texture, and the added feeling of being full. I paired it with a large glass of sparkling water.

The remaining afternoon was spent wallowing in my own depression, laying on the couch, curled under a blanket, until Barry came over after he was done work. He spent a few hours with Frank and me watching movies. I know it wasn’t the way he hoped to spend his evening, but it was nice to have the moral support.

My dad expressed some more concern about me today. I can’t help the way I feel. The last 3 days, I have not eaten more than 600 calories. Frank suggested this could be a reason why I’ve been so tired lately. I was in the bathroom and looked at myself. All I could see, at first, was my stomach. I kept poking at at it like it was somehow pop like a balloon and deflate. I went to the scale that read 131 lbs. I like that number. I went back to the mirror to figure out why the number just didn’t seem match the body. I stared long and hard and realized that my face was beginning to thin out, again.

With an annoying headache, which I suspected to be from low blood sugar, I stir-fried some bok choy and mushrooms in 1/2 Tbsp of low sodium teriyaki sauce,1 tsp chili garlic sauce, and a splash of water. It was filling and helped rid of my headache, which was definitely what I needed before going to work.

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I headed to work, coffee in hand, still feeling like I was dragging. Its funny how as soon as I walk onto the unit, I change. I’m so lucky that I am one of those blessed people that loves their job and the people they work with! Speaking of which…

These ladies I work on night shift with completely took me by surprise! After finishing the first rounds of my 8 hour shift, I went to the break room to grab a drink. As I opened the door, the nurses were setting up a party… for Heather and me in honor of us passing our boards!

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The first thing I saw was the cake and covered my instant terror with a smile, saying, “You guys are so sweet!” They even got gluten free goodies for Heather! But then, I saw the veggie platter and salsa and fruit bowl. Heather mentioned that she could tell I had lost weight and that she was worried about me. Heather is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. I would love if Heather and I both got the newly available nursing positions for our unit.

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WP_003717After finishing up some rounds, I decided theres no harm in enjoying fruits and vegetable. An the the veggies with salsa! MMM so garliky! I continued to snack on the goods all night and even had the hot and sour soup I brought with me. I was stuffed by 3 am and stayed that way! I felt great! Like I had been revitalized! Suddenly, although I was full, I felt invigorated and was on a roll at work! I love that Heather was so honest with me. You know what? I even had a bite of cake. I’m not a cake fan, but ShopRite done good! The night shift crew put a good hurtin on the cake and fruit!

The shift ended strong and confidently and I cant wait to hit the sheets!

Dreams Come True

After chewing Extra Key Lime Pie sugar free gum, and slurping on the sugar free Key Lime Creme Slurpee, I needed to come up with a recipe for a real one! I did a lot of investigating on this classic treat, because I’ve never actually had it!

Getting a crust for this bad boy, was no worry, but the filling… thats where I hit a wall. In my head, my sister is the Key Lime Pie Guru, and uses condensed milk. Other recipes use whipped cream, yogurts, cream cheese, egg, and cornstarch, to name a few ingredients. Now, where should I begin?

The topping was inspired by these meringues.

Sublime Key Lime Bundo PieWP_003365

serves 8

The Crust:

  • 1 cup Fiber One Original bran cereal
  • 2 sheets (8 crackers) low-fat honey graham crackers (thats 4 squares)
  • 3 tbsp. granulated Splenda
  • 1/4 cup Brummel & Brown yogurt spread, or another light butter spread
  • 2 Tbsp water

The Filling:

  • 1/4 tsp lime zest
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 3 limes, at least (1/4 cup juice needed)
  • 1 4 serving box sugar free, fat free lime jello mix
  • 1/2 cup cold water
  • 3/4 cup OIKOs plain Greek yogurt
  • 1 1/4 cup fat free Cool Whip, thawed

The Topping:

  • 1/2 cup fat free cool whip, thawed
  • 1 Tbsp sugar free fat free white chocolate pudding mix
  • 1 Tbsp shredded coconut (all I had was sweetened), toasted
  • 3/4 tsp lime zest

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Begin the filling by juicing two limes to produce  about 1/4 cup, and combine with 1/2 cup water, and   1/4 tsp lime zest in a small pot, over medium heat, with box of gelatin. Stir until completely dissolved and transfer pot into ice bath. Continue to stir to release heat. Gradually fold into yogurt and refrigerate for at least 2 hours, giving it the occasional stir.

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WP_003366Combine butter with water and microwave until just melted. Place cereal and graham crackers in a food processor and grind. Transfer to a bowl, and add Splenda. Add the melted watered butter to the bowl of sweetened crumbs and mix thoroughly. Spray a pie pan heavily with nonstick spray and evenly distribute the crust mixture along the bottom and sides of the pie pan. Press firmly to form the crust. Bake for 10 minutes. Set aside to cool.

While the crust is in the oven and the filling is setting, combine Cool Whip and white chocolate pudding mix in a bowl. Transfer mix into a zip lock plastic bag or piping bag and refrigerate.

Once lime mix has cooled, whisk in the Cool Whip until the congealed yogurt and whipped cream are one thick, smooth filling. Pour into cooled crust and use the back of a spoon or spatula to evenly spread. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour.

Spray a skillet with nonstick spray and toast the coconut over medium heat, tossing continuously. (The aroma, alone, is enough to put you on cloud 9). Set aside to cool.

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Pipe the sweet white chocolate Cool Whip onto cooled and settled pie and garnish with lime zest and toasted coconut. Slice and enjoy!

But, Sammy! Theres so much topping left! What should I do? Either keep on decorating of take my lead and eat it with a spoon and fruit!

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Nutrition (1 slice, 1/8 of the pie):

Calories: 106, Fat: 3.1g, Sat. Fat: 0.7g, Cholesterol: 0mg, Sodium: 175mg, Carbs: 17.3g, Fiber: 2.4g, Sugar: 3.5g, Protein: 3.1g

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This pie was so light and tart! It is the perfect summer treat! Everyone enjoyed it… Well, they must have because it went pretty quickly!

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I was really excited about Frank enjoying it. He is usually my brutal critic, which I appreciate (and despise). He said I didn’t need to change anything! Yay! I am particularly proud of this recipes for two reasons.

1. I have only had 1 bite of Key Lime Pie before in my life.

2. I had a dream, jumped out of bed, wrote down what I had dreamed about, and that dream turned into this pie! (I guess my mind is still working when I sleep).

Back on Track

My last post was a bit all over the place. It was very manic-depressive. I’m sorry about that… like I said, “PMS… What a bitch!” Darn mood swings…

Set backs happen. How will I deal with it?

Listening to my body cues

“Theres scrapple in the fridge,” dad said to me as he left for work. I spent the night at dad house, last night, to complete our awesome DDDD (Daddy-Daughter Date Day). I wasn’t sure if I was hungry this morning, so I made a big cup of coffee to see if I was actually hungry or just thirsty. My large mug did a great job of curbing my appetite! I enjoyed the french vanilla coffee, while catching up on Spice Goddess. I love that show! Bal is really pleasant and bubbly and passionate about her native spices and traditions! Plus, I’ve really been interested in Indian cooking techniques, foods, and spices, and found a few things she made that I can’t wait to try my hands at!

Resuming my normal meals

Following the show and ignoring my inner scrapple-lover, I headed back to my mom’s house, where I enjoyed a refreshing Banana Cream Dannon Light & Fit Greek yogurt Blend, sprinkled with 1/2 tsp Chocolate PB2, and about 6 broken fat free pretzel sticks. I enjoyed the sweet and salty crunch that my PMS craves, and loved that it was filling and healthy.

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For a mid-day snack, a 90 calorie Fiber One Lemon bar did the trick, as did a mug of peppermint tea.

WP_003195Today it National Hot Dog Day! I’m a little excited about this because I’ve really been wanting hot dogs and baked beans! Ironically, I had planned on taking this as a meal to work tomorrow night, but no sense in denying this “holiday”! I pulled out a Hebrew National 97% fat free frank and a small can of fat free baked beans and ate mine in a bowl topped with chopped onion.

WP_003202Frank wanted it sandwich-style.

Go to Zumba

Following dinner, I had a bit of unsweetened applesauce and met my girlfriend, Maggie, at Zumba. I did not attend Zumba at all last week, and it makes me feel lost. I need it in my life. I also enjoy leading Zumba, as I did a few dances tonight. I love to look at their faces and I love knowing that my enthusiasm can power them through a workout, too!

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It was one humid hour, tonight! The AC is broke! We were drenched in sweat after the first dance. We looked like steamed lobsters by the end of the class. But, boy, were we feeling great!

Surround myself with positivety

Why else is today special? Not just because its National Hot Dog Day… Not just because its National Vanilla Ice Cream Day…. But because its Frank’s 56th Birthday! Before I left for Zumba, I whipped up a cake mug for him! Yay, Hungry-girl, for teaching me about cake mugs! I made a Raspberry Chocolate Chip Cake mug (recipe below).

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Zumba releases endorphins, which makes me happy. As does being with my friends. After sweating it out, I met Barry to do a little grocery shopping for the house, took a shower, and am currently in the midst of attempting some sleep. Surround yourself with positive people, places, events, and you’ll be positive too! Things just start to fall into place.

I typically do not eat after Zumba, but PMS was rearing its head. The entire trip to ShopRite I was thinking about peanut M&Ms. I resisted. We swung by 7 Eleven on the way home to down another bottle of water and while I was there, a light bulb went off! Special K Chocolatey Pretzel cereal bar! 90 calories, salty, sweet, crunchy…. Perfect!

Raspberry Chip Cake Mug

3 Tbsp yellow moist cake mix

1 Tbsp liquid egg substitute

1 1/2 Tbsp water

1/2 Tbsp Nestle mini semi-sweet morsels, or semi-sweet morsels, chopped

5 raspberries, sliced in half

2 Tbsp fat free Cool Whip, thawed

1/2 tsp sugar free, fat free Chocolate pudding mix

Combine everything except cool whip and pudding mix, and mix well. Spray mug or ramekin with nonstick cooking spray and pour cake mix in. Microwave for 1 minute and 15 seconds, or so*. Allow mug to cool, as it will be hot! Meanwhile, combine cool whip and pudding mix. Spread over cooled cake mug and enjoy!

*Microwaving chocolate chips is tricky business, as they tend to burn.

Calories: 179,  Fat: 3.1g, Sat. Fat: 1.9g, Cholesterol: 0mg, Sodium: 270mg, Carbs: 35.2g, Fiber: 0g, Sugar: 18.9g, Protein: 3g

Idea: White Chocolate Chips, instead!

Happy Birthday, Frank!

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Berri Yummy

This morning began with my Copy Cat Shake! I love this one! But I must admit, it was a rather clumsy morning. When I initially transfered my shake into my travel bottle, I spilled quite a bit onto the counter. Then, once I got into the car, I tipped the bottle over and some spilled onto the floor. And smart me, I don’t have floor mats. Despite trying to clean it up, I’m so nervous that the next time I walk in my car, I’ll be choked by the stench of sour dairy products.

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I have felt bloated all day! Seriously uncomfortable! I keep looking at my belly thinking What the heck is going on? Where did that come from? You look pregnant!

This gets frustrting, especially since I’ve been happy with my eating last last two days. When I arrived home, after todays events, I wanted something sweet. Not because I was necessarily hungry, but just because. I allowed myself two Nutter Butter cookie sandwiches. This quickly spiraled, not terribly, into pretzel sticks and nutella. Although it was not an earth-shattering binge, it was one of which should not happened. (And I’m sure all that salt did not help the bloate feeling.)

Anyway, todays events began around 830 with a drive to the funeral home. I attended the viewing and as I went down the line of daughters, my emotions were harder to hold back. “He loved you! He always wanted to best for you,” said his oldest daughter. That was it! The waterworks started. We headed over the church, were the euologies were presented but the 3 daughters, and some of the grandchildren. When the beautiful ceromony ended, I reunited with my grieving family in front of church. As I hugged my cousin, he grabbed me tight and began to cry. He is one of those people, who I can not see cry. As soon as I see a tear in his eye, I started crying… it never fails. The burial consisted of a bagpipper and a 21 gun solute.

We finished the afternoon at the luncheon. I didn’t feel it was appropriate to photgraph my food here, concidereing the circumstances. I filled my plate with loads of fruits and vegetables. The grilled chicken breast and roast beef were tops! I ket going back for more. I treated myself with a cookie and order three cups of coffee. Yes, three! Not because I was THAT tired but because the mugs were so tiny! It held maybe three ounce of coffee!

Feeling full and bloated, I was worried about my eating the rest of the day. After snacking on some rice cakes and nutella, I made a roasted cauliflower salad on spinach with some sliced honey ham.

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Shortly after, I recieved an interesting phone call from a friend from high school asking to help him with a film project. He is curently filming a trailer to get funding for a company to start production on an independent film. Our society is obsessed with zombies. I just don’t get it. Nonetheless, I played a mourner at a funeral (of all days to play a mourner), who at one point is killed and eated by a zombie. I can not wait for the screen shots to come back so I can share them with you! Its hilarious to think about some of the shots he got! It took my mind off how much body hating I was doing and it was a fun time.

After filming with some high school friends, Mags and I went out for froyo.

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I hadn’t had frozen yogurt in the longest time! I did not have any last summer because I was “sick.” The two of us used to go out every week for froyo back in the day. I made very smart decisions at BerriYummy! I grabbed a shot of no sugar added vanilla froyo and topped it with sliced almonds, strawberries, raspberries and mangos, and, I’ll admit, a sprinkle of crushed butterfinger! Spectacular! A winning combination! (Mags went with the chocolate cravings).

 

After departing, I headed home and went to pretzel town.

Raspberry and Chocolate

If there is one thing I have been craving for the past week or so, its been raspberries! Unfortunately, I can’t find raspberries anywhere under $4.99! I’ve been craving raspberries, cottage cheese, and cocoa powder!

So this morning, when I left work, I headed back to Brew HaHa, for a sugar free Brew HaHa Latte (raspberry and mocha syrups). I had a practice exam at 9am (hey, it was free), so I figured the espresso in this latte would help power me through the morning. I remembered to grab a yogurt for breakfast, too. Thank you for your convenience, Dannon Light and Fit Greek!

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After a while, the tummy wanted a little something so I tapped into the emergency trunk stash, with a Chocolate Raspberry Luna Fiber bar!

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After the exam, I had to get my car looked at because my battery light came on. (Luckily, it was just a bad sensor, and the battery was fine.) I stopped by Pathmark while I was in the area and the tummy was growling. I finally gave the Fig Newton Fruit Thins a try. Can you guess which flavor I grabbed? Yup, Chocolate Raspberry. I must say, not too shabby.

I was able to cuddle up ans squeeze in a two hour nap. Really? Two hours? I’ve been up since 5pm yesterday, and all I got is two hours? I think its because I have so much on my mind, so many projects to finish, so many lectures to watch… Well, I up now, so lets bang these out!

Oddly enough, when I woke up from my nap, I had a ravenous appetite! I wound up eating Kashi Pumpkin Spice Flax granola bar and a Peach Cottage Cheese Double. My dad said some days we are just hungrier than others. Yeah, try telling that to this crazy girl. When I’m that hungry, I get crazy self conscious and paranoid.

Take a deep breath. Listen to my body. Focus. Okay.

Since I was up, I made my dinner for tonight’s shift. Last night, I got talking to one of the nurses about my love for tempeh, so I made a tempeh wrap for dinner. I used half an Everything wrap, an ounce of broccoli slaw, spinach, onion, green pepper, Sesame Garlic Tempeh, and a drizzle of fat free honey dijon dressing.

WP_002213This was so packed that the wrap broke as I rolled it up. Oh well, messy food is usually tasty food. Heck, look at sloppy joes!

Rain Delay?

I grudgingly drug myself out of bed this morning as I heard the rain pounding on the windows of my room. As I hit play on the workout video, I received a phone call. Who the heck is calling me at 0530 in the morning?! It was my clinical instructor.

“Wow! The rain must be pretty bad to cancel clinical.” Nope, my instructor was sick.

Today has been a different kind of day. Rather than getting to the hospital at 0630, I reported to school at 0930 to assist the first semester students with the skills they were learning. This was considered my clinical hours. Breakfast was a Chocolate Caramel Special K Protein Bar.

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This bar was pretty decent. I would probably get it again. It has caramel flavored chips numerously scattered throughout the bar and it has a nice crunch.

During the lunch break, I was not hungry, so I utilized the gym. Its hard to believe that after 4 years of being here, this was the first time I used the gym. It was much smaller than I had expected, but I used to elliptical to really try to burn some calories. I completed Julie’s 20 minute Elliptical Workout.

When I got back to class I was rosey and sweaty, but I felt great! After the class finished, I headed down to the caf, turned on a lecture on my laptop, and enjoyed a Dannon Light & Fit Pineapple Greek yogurt, topped with chia seeds, and a Kashi Happy Trail Mix Cookie. The coconut from the cookie really went well with pineapple.

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I can only watch lectures so long before I need a break, plus I needed to charge my laptop, so I headed back to the gym to clear my head and played around with some strength training. I used Julie’s 30 Second Rest Workout to base my workout:

Leg Press Choose your weight 15 reps 3x
Hammer Curls 10lbs 15reps 3x
Elliptical Incline 12 10min
Shoulder Press 13lb 15reps 3x
Tricep Extensions 13lb 15reps 3x
Elliptical Incline 12 10min
Crunches Choose your weight 15reps 3x

Afterwards, I headed to my meeting. I needed to grab a bite and pick my mom up some KIND bars. Dinner was an on-the-go meal:

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PROBARs Old School PB&J meal bar tastes like a seedy peanut butter and jelly! I typically don’t like to eat bars that are more than 250 calories, but this flavor was calling my name. It had a great flavor and consistency. I either love or hate PROBARs, and this was definitely a love. One thing I really like about this brand, is the use of whole flax seeds!

This was followed by a binge. I’ve really been on a roll with these binges lately, haven’t I? I was really feeling great after working out today! It really frustrates me that this keeps happening. I don’t know if this has ever happened to you, but its almost like my hand has a mind of its own. Like I verbally tell myself to stop by my hand keeps putting food in my mouth. Its the weirdest thing.

I plan on working out tomorrow after clinical. I always feel better after I work out.

I guess it was an interesting day all over. I woke up this morning hearing that the Pope was stepping down, then I see that some butthead got Wilmington on the national news for shooting up a courthouse!

Jeez!