Out of Bed, Sleepy Head

I’ve got anxiety, yes I do! I’ve got nerves, how bout you?

Have you ever met someone who has the ability to walk into a room and change the entire mood? I compare it to ancient Native American … they would not look into mirrors or take pictures at the risk of having their soul taken from them. Its kind of like that… This person walks into the room and I feel like my soul gets sucked out of me. I know that this feeling is something I allow to happen and that I allow this person to affect me this way.

With a heavy chest, I grabbed a sugar free chocolate pudding and topped it with multigrain Cheerios and pralines and headed to my room to write and to separate myself for the trigger to my anxiety. I did feel a little silly eating this, since I just had a bowl of Arctic Zero before Barry left, but it was satisfying and a call with my grandmother finished up my night with a smile.

WP_003339I needed caffeine, protein, and stay power when I woke, this morning. After struggling at 11am to even roll out of bed, I gave a chance to a unique sounding yogurt: Alpina Revive Honey nonfat Greek Yogurt with Chai Spiced granola, and crawled back into bed with it and a mug of eggnog coffee. I’m usually not a fan of honey yogurt but this was very good, not sweet but not tart. I think the best part of the granola was the pistachio and hemp pieces and the combination of spices. Every now and then, I’d bite into a piece of crystallized ginger, which would take me by surprise. I probably could have done without that, or at least maybe smaller piece, but overall, I was pleased.

It took a lot to get me out of bed, finally. I curled into a ball under the covers on the couch. Hugging my knees to my chest for hours with absolutely  no drive to do anything. I did not have an appetite, in fact, I actually felt sick to my stomach (not from the yogurt).

After conversing with my girlfriend Maggie, I broke our plans to go to Zumba (which probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do). I need Zumba! With these late, restless nights, late night mangia, NCLEX paranoia, and just overall drama at home, I was in desperate need of some nervous energy-burning cardio. She knew something was up and came to visit me after she got off work. I broke into the last bottle of wine from trip to San Jose…

After watching a cooking show with some spectacular grilled cheeses, I really got in the mood for one! But after being in a ball for a few hours, and after a glass of wine, my nervous belly ache went away and hunger kicked in! Dinner was half a roast beef, swizz, and tomato grilled cheese with spicy brown horseradish mustard on Multigrain Fiber One bread. I’ve been thinking about KFC slaw for days, now, and with wine brain, Frank and I hopped in the car to get him a pot pie, my little brother some fried chicken, and me, cole slaw! I may still have been intoxicated in the car when I flipped myself over and asked Frank if this was illegal.

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Mom arrived home and I told her how the tension was affecting me. Things got pushed aside as we watched Chopped and enjoyed a bowl of Arctic Zero topped with Kashi and jimmies. That just wasn’t good enough. Continuing with drunken hunger and energy, I grabbed a sweet, nutty, crunchy fix: Lil Drums Vanilla with Caramel Sauce, topped with peanuts. I love these things!!!

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The night continued with well mannered conversation and shared favorites with salsa: Extra Dark Sourdough pretzels (why must they be so good?), sliced bell peppers, and deseeded cucumbers.

Roasted Vegetables: Crock Pot Recipe #7

Wednesday:

I went to class this morning and while waiting, enjoyed a Muller Mousse Parfait. A girl I’m in clinical with loves these, so I gave it a try.

WP_001225I tried the peach passion fruit, figuring if I was going to try something, I might as well try the most exotic sounding. I topped it with both ground flax and chia, and it was delicious and filling! I only have one complaint: way too much sugar! Seriously, it had a whole days worth of sugar in it!

After this cardiac cram session, I hit the gym. I had a full workout planned but as I was doing it, I realized I was not going to be able to complete it, if I needed to get some sleep for night shift. I only worked out for an hour or so. I was so bummed when that I had to leave. Have you ever been so into your routine, you just didn’t want to stop. Seriously, even the shuffle on my iPod just kept giving me great songs to power up to!

I hit the sheets when I got home, unfortunately  only getting about 2 hours of sleep for my 12 hour shift. I made something that was LONG overdue: a shake. Iv’e been checking up on this blog I found and she made a shake that sounded delicious, so I gave it a go. The following was whipped up:

handful of kaleWP_001227

handful of frozen, pitted dark cherries

1 scoop Herbalife Vanilla Formula 1

1 scoop Herbalife Vanilla PDM

half a frozen banana

1 Tbsp sugar free cheesecake pudding mix

and lots of ice!

Pretty darn tasty… Actually, dad asked me to make him one for Thursday morning!

WP_001228Thursday:

Over the course of the long night, I did some pretty wise snacking choices, suck as graham crackers, sugar free pudding, and 94% fat free popcorn. I have to same, though, my favorite meal of the night, was the Raisin and Spice Oatmeal. I stirred in a little PB, and mmmmmm good!WP_001231

After I got home, I started preparing the crock pot. Tonight’s recipe is in preparation for tomorrow’s dinner (I can’t wait!)

Once all the ingredients were in the crock, I sat down to finish some homework and enjoyed a nice bowl of Banana Nut and Peanut Butter Cheerios, a cup of Pumpkin Spice coffee with some sugar free french vanilla powdered creamer and a few dark chocolate covered espresso beans to keep me going for the day!

Katie loves crock pots too and I remembered a while back she posted about roasting vegetables in a crock pot. Being the sucker for veggies that I am, I starting thinking up ways to use these veggies. Over rice? with sausage? In a pita? The possibilities are endless! Needless to say, I hit up the discount produce shelf…

Roasted Crock Pot Veggies

2 bell pepper (I like using colors)WP_001233

3 cloves garlic, slivered

half an onion, sliced in rings

a few baby portabellos

1 large carrot stick, sliced into very thin coins

handful of sun-dried tomatoes, sliced thin

1 small eggplant, sliced to 1/4 in thick

spices, to taste

Prepare all the vegetables, adding or subtracting vegetable that you enjoy, and toss them in the crock pot. Season, cover, and cook.

The original recipe calls for oil, but instead, I just gave the top of the veggies a quick spray with some non-stick pray and few shot a liquid aminos. I couldn’t find my Italian seasoning in the cupboard, so I used some granulated garlic, black pepper, parsley, oregano, and basil, and gave it all a nice toss.

WP_001235Cover the pot and look on low, stirring occasionally.

During class, I was starting to sense some hunger creeping up on me. I looked around the room, and wouldn’t you know like four people were chopping on protein bars! AHHHH! I knew this would be tough!

When I got home from class, the house smelled like a warm garden… fresh veggies in the air! I hustled into the kitchen to give them a stir and a try. I was so happy with how they turned out! The carrots were just the right consistency  the onions became translucent  the peppers and mushrooms cooked down, the tomatoes got soft and sweet, the eggplant absorbing all the flavors…

I had some leftover turkey sausage to I put a little in a tortilla with some veggies and I was in heaven! This most definitely will be a meal another night.WP_001237

As for tonight’s dinner, I was jonesing for a Wendy’s Jr. Hamburger, and mom was really eyeing up the chili. My creation was a chili dipped burger! YUM! I snacked on some mixed fruit for dessert!

Over all, the last 24 hours was pretty decent with food… only a few minor binges.

After meeting up with Mike to finish our assignment, I tried to squeeze in a workout before being detained in nursing labs for 3 hours. I was able to squeeze in the following workout, based off of Julie’s Beat Boredom Interval Workout:

Weights:

Sitting Crunches 15reps 4 set 53 lbs
Tricep Extensions 15reps 4 sets 20 lbs
Sitting Crunches 15reps 4 sets 53 lbs

Elliptical:

0-10 min 11 resistance
10-1230 13
1230-15 14
15-20 11

Repeat Weights

Treadmill:

1-5 minutes 4.2 speed 8 incline
5-630 7 1
630-8 5 1
8-10 4.2 1

Now, I ready to crash, wake up refreshed, workout, watch some lectures, and cook you all a wonderful Friday Lenten dinner!Even though, I was totally sleep deprived, I did not want to leave. These last two days I’ve really been in the workout zone!

The Secret Garden

WP_001162I opted for a later workout this today since I had to finish up some homework this morning. While I did so, I made myself a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios Medley Crunch topped with some flax milk and half an apple. I enjoyed the crunchy sweetness so much, I ate it again for lunch! Yeah… It was that good!
One thing I love about Lent is it gives me even more of an excuse to eat peanut butter! I must definitely took advantage of this by snacking throughout the day in my many types of nut butters.

Today is Friday which means no meat for the Bundo bellies. I decided to continue with today’s nut butter theme for dinner with a grilled PB &J and a side of carrot sticks. Its sounds more like a lunch, but on high fiber bread, its a winner! WP_001206

My friend Mike text me to see if I wanted to meet up. So while I waited for him I went for a jog. Today was beautiful! The perfect day for a run! In fact, I completed 2 days worth of my Couch to 5K app! On my run, I passed this tall rock enclosure that I never really thought twice about. I read the plaque on the wall and learned that this privacy wall is actually a garden. As I approached this garden, I felt like a little girl discovering Narnia! It was old. The ground was laid with slates of rock with moss in between them. Huge cement stair cases… Broken windows that I later discovered to be an old green house… It was like The Secret Garden. Its amazing what right in your own backyard!

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Mike and I met at the park and the doggies had a play date. I’m glad he got me out of the house.

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Beauty decided today would be a good day to play in the mud. So the tired puppy, after walk, went right into the tub.

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Today was a good day, even food-wise!

Tonights snack? 100 calories bag of Kettle Corn drizzled with nutella!

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Heavenly Honey Nut

I started the day off with some yoga, then booked it to school. Clinical was crazy busy! I worked up quite an appetite. By 1100 I was starving and the Special K bar was not cutting it, so I ran down to the vending machines and grabbed a Nature Valley Sweet and Salty Almond bar! I love this thing! Its sweet and salty and theres an almond butter coating!

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I can’t believe the appetite I’ve had today. I ran to the cupboard when I got home and tapped into my new cereal: Honey Nut Cheerios Medley Crunch!

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Oh my gosh! I went to chow town! I loved the variety of textures: cheerios, flakes and granola clusters and a hint of honey!

Dad came over for dinner tonight and I made one of his favorite treats: McRib. I do not like the real McRibs at all, but dad loves them! So I switched it up on him.

McMeatless RibWP_001065

Gardein Barbecue Riblets (prepare according to package directions)

Slice of onion

pickles (optional)

Light hamburger bun (toasted)

Stack and enjoy!

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WP_001066I figured you can’t have Mickey D’s without fries… I had some cubed butternut squash in the fridge so I sprayed a pan with some cooking spray, and tossed the cubes in basil, dried minced garlic and a touch of salt and baked them in the toaster oven on 400 until the desired crispness.

 

Way better than McDonalds!

Way better than McDonalds!

After dinner, pops and I headed out to pick a few things up from the store.

I’m disappointed in myself today. I started out really good today, pacing my foods and choosing wisely. As soon as I got home, this ravenous appetite over came me. I binged twice today; once when I got home from class, and once when I got home from shopping. I’m becoming more aware on my binges but I’m still aggravated and immensely frustrated!

I have my first exam on Thursday so I need to desperately  study! I’m hoping to crash early tonight and hit the books hard tomorrow.

Mother Nature’s Menopause

Last week I was telling you about the snow and how cold it was, and yesterday? 66 and humid! Mother Nature is having some serious hot flashes! Today, I left work and it was 31 and flurrying!

The wind is blowing me over@

The wind is blowing me over@

Once again on night shift, I went overboard. We had bagels from Panera and I ate my favorite, Cinnamon Crunch bagel! Then when I came home this morning, I ate breakfast, and there was no stopping me! I just kept eating. I enjoyed what I ate, Blueberry bagel thin with non fat cream cheese, OIKOS mango apricot greek yogurt topped with homemade granola, an apple with Planters banana granola PB…

dun dun dun... back away from the bagels!

dun dun dun… back away from the bagels!

Its amazing! I’ve researched the connection between recovering anorexics and binge eating, and its far too common. The problem is that its not healthy!

And its making me crazy!

Another thing thats really frustrating is that while I’m binging, I’m telling myself to stop. Its like I’m powerless. What is that?!

Tomorrow is the first of the month and I’m starting from scratch. I’d like to fast tomorrow, and begin again on Saturday. I’ve been talking with my girlfriend, Katie, who said that when she was in recovery, she dealt with the same problem.

I return to night shift Thursday night, with every intention of fasting. Luckily, I emailed my dietitian earlier in the day to see what she thought of the fasting idea. With my history of deprivation and now overindulgence, fasting would only set me up further disappointment.

As much as I wanted to burn as many calories as I could, I was put in a 1:1 (this is when a patient is required to have someone with them at all times). At first, I was tweeked because I still was full from binging and wanted to feel like I was being productive.

In actuality, it was kind of a blessing. Once my patient fell asleep, I had time to do some overdue studying, and I was not surrounded by temptation (aka food). When I took my break, I tried to eat comfortably… a NSA fruit cup, grahams and PB, and i snacked on some of my girlfriend’s fries. I also cracked into some Cheerios for some pop-able crunch. This was still more than I planned to eat, but I’m thankful that I was able to say, “Sammy, your full. You can step away.” And I did.

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I know the blog has been so binge centered, lately, but for those struggling with eating disorders, its nice to recognize that you’re not alone. Thank you for helping me cope.

While on my assignment, I also came across the following two articles:

You Have to Want it More– I liked this because it was all about the little changes creating a better experience and life

One at a Time– I liked this because she gave me a great idea to try to get my parents involved in healthy living, and also acknowledging that we are not powerless, we control our lifestyles.

You know what? And this article in too! Secret Eating… Guilty.

I know I’m not alone, even if at times I feel I am. I know I can control my outcomes, even though at times I feel powerless. I’ve trekked up the hill of better living and joyously celebrated on top. I danced on top, tripped over my own feet, and tumbled down. Just like last time, I can hike back up.

I’ll see you at the top.

Birthday and Bananas

I’m a bargain shopper. One of my favorite places in the grocery store is the discount rack. I found a bunch of banana for 95 cents! They still looked good so I got them.

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Some discounted and very ripe bananas

Bananas are an awesome fruit, so versatile! I can eat them as is, slice them in my cereal, oats, or yogurt….

But Sammy, you can’t possibly eat all of those before they go bad. What ever will you do?
I’ll tell ya! With super ripe bananas, I can make a mean healthy banana bread (recipe will be posted once baked), or freeze them! I love freezing bananas! You can throw those babies in your oatmeal using Katie’s melted banana trick, or slice them up and dip it in Nutella, or my favorite…. SMOOTHIE/PROTEIN SHAKES!!! (You had to have seen that one coming!)

I fell asleep early last night. The beauty of going to bed early in how well rested you feel when you wake up. Unfortunately, in my case, I may have fallen asleep a little too early, as I woke up at 0300.
This morning wasn’t so much breakfast, as much as it was a hodgepodge of various foods, including a Vitalicious Sugar Free Banana Nut Muffin.

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I realize that I can have a food plan, as I did this morning, but as soon as I question my plan, or overthink it, thats when things go arye (as in binge). BOO! I was disappointed and crunched on time before work, so I started my car and went for the shortest and coldest run ever (around the block lol). I needed to feel like I did something to counteract my actions.
Back to bananas…
Can you guess what lunch was today? Chobani’s new flip cup yogurt! “What goes best with bananas?” I asked myself. “Duh! Peanut Butter and Chocolate!” So to compliment my already favorite yogurt flavor, I added Multigrain Peanut Butter Cheerios and Fiber One’s new 80 cal Chocolate squares!

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After work today, I danced around the house with my mom. Sometimes the best workouts are ones that I just make up and dance around the house!
I then met up with my family at Immediato’s Bistro to celebrate my Uncle’s Birthday at his favorite restaurant  Wow! Food! Delicious! Click here to check it out!

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Me and Uncle Eddie

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The Birthday Boy!