Cleaning Out My Addiction

I was able to squeeze in about 4 hour of sleep before being woken up by some family quarreling outside my bedroom door. I was pretty nervous that this shift was going to be a long one. I wasn’t sure what today would have in store for me either. If you recall, the last night shift I worked went great and went to hell when I got home.

Some days coffee really hits the spot. Before heading off for night shift last night, I brewed a mug of Chocolate Cherry coffee and added a splash of sugar free Kahlua flavored syrup. Delicious!

I arrived at work to find that I was, again, on a 1:1. Okay, this is looking a lot like last Friday night…

After reading a few chapters of a book I brought, it was lunch time. A nice filling helping of Bundo Broccoli Salad, with slices of apples and cucumbers and PB on the side. I was very full at the end of this meal and prayed that this recognition of fullness would last for the remainder of my shift. And it did! It was a water-filled, fiberful meal!

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I was freezing upon returning to my 1:1 and was so thankful for the hot green tea I had just brewed! I’ve noticed a mildly sore throat the WP_003867last two days, and I’m positive its from the Fall allergies and crazy weather fluctuations. I’ve been trying to stay proactive in the fight buy drinking hot green tea. I managed to get a few chapter read, however, and finalize a project I’ve been working on.

I had a sense that today, too, would be a long one. After getting done work at 7am, I wanted to attend a forum at 730, since it had to do with a large number of my patient population on my unit. My plan was to go home afterwards and whip up a shake.

WP_003869I have been wanting to make a Key Lime smoothie for a while now, but I wasn’t about to pass up National Chocolate Milkshake Day! On my way out of my meeting, I saw someone had brought in a huge bag of Halloween candy… Snickers of all things! I was so proud of myself for ignoring it, but when I arrived home, I attempted a Snickers shake for breakfast. It definitely did not taste like a snickers, but it was very filling and I went with it. In fact, I came back to finish it while working on dad’s birthday surprise. I wound up adding it my mug a coffee to create a mocha latte of sorts. Frank had requested a Pina Colada shake, and I have to say, it was one of the best I’ve made. But, alas, it still was NOT bedtime! It was bake time. For the past few weeks, I’ve been working on a recipe for dad’s birthday. Today was the day I finally got to put my creative juice into fruition. I was praying for success and thats what I got! Thank you, God! The house smelled heavenly an I got to use one of my favorite fall ingredient!

WP_003870Around 1pm, I snacked on some dry cereal and sparkling water. Something did not sit right and I actually got sick! I’m always keeping it interesting, aren’t I?

Since I had time at work, I decide to go through my phone. I had so many  favorites that I had created when I was in the height of my illness. I went through, deleting so many things. Why did I save that? I’m never going to cook that. Oh that sound good! I did the same thing when I got home and began weeding through my recipe binders, throwing out useless recipes and things I knew would never be made. I was hoping this might help refocus some of my attention and inspire some healthy meals to come.

Mean and Green

I spent the remainder of last night awake! I didn’t fall asleep until 130am or so. Oh well! At least I came up with delicious ideas for this week’s meals. It began this morning with a change of pace from my usual shake. It was also a good morning, as I was able to sense hunger, again!

I’ve been craving quinoa for weeks now, but with the madness going on in my head, I couldn’t get myself to eat it. Alas, I microwaved Amy’s Light & Lean Quinoa & Black Beans bowl. Meanwhile, I whipped up some egg whites, for myself, and a sunny-side up, for Frank! Frank and I really enjoyed this. We are both huge fans of black beans! Plus, we got a boost of protein and fiber bright and early to start our week! Yum!

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WP_003806I’ve planned today to see green! Not as in envy, but as in E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles!!!! Eagles/ Redskins game baby! Dad and I are all about the green, but mom won a bet at work like 20 years ago on a Skins game, and has been a fan ever since. Silly woman!

To get on my game face, I whipped out my Eagles jersey to rock for a day of errands.

After unpacking the groceries, I make another batch of Bundo Broccoli Salad, since the first batch went so quickly neither Frank nor Barry got a taste.

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Afterwards, I was feeling tired but couldn’t sense if it was due to a lack of eating. After all, it was 2pm and I ate my filling breakfast around 10am. I decided to whip up a super green shake! Its one of my favorites!

Pistachio Ice Cream Shake:

  • WP_0038121 Tbsp sugar free fat free Pistachio pudding mix
  • 1 to 2 scoops vanilla protein powder
  • lots of spinach!
  • 1/8 to 1/4 tsp almond extract
  • water
  •  ice
  • shelled, unsalted pistachios (optional)
  • xanthum and/or guar gum (optional)

After my last few shake bowls, I’ve rediscovered my love for ground flax and chia seeds, so to play off the nuttiness of the pistachios I added both to today’s bowl!

This held me over for hours! I attempted a nap before Zumba, and, sadly, it just didn’t happen. When I got up after an hour, my mom took one look at me and said, “You look tired. I don’t think you should go to Zumba.” I felt guilty not going, since I didn’t go last week, but I truly was tired. I then spent the next few hours working on a new recipe for you!

If at first you don’t succeed, try and try, again. Although, I wasn’t hungry, mom was and we kicked off our first Monday Night Football of the the 2013-2014 season!

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I prepared a plate of crudites, featuring scallions, sugar snap peas, green beans, celery, and baby carrots. I served it with Honey Mustard, blue cheese dressing, and PB. We split one of my favorite personalized pizzas, VitaPizza Cheese and Tomato. Mom and  I also split a strawberry daquari, topped with a dollop of fat free Cool Whip.

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I was not hungry, tonight, but had tons of nervous energy and filled up on veggies. No harm in that…

After the Eagles started kicking some serious butt, mom went into a sore mood and said, “That’s it. I’m going to bed.” I, now, find myself, here, with you, reminiscing and working on yet another new recipe for you.

Sweet Green Dreams!

The Hole and The Rope Analogy

I woke up in much better spirits, today. In fact, I woke up being able to tell I was hungry.

The Analogy of the Hole and the Rope

Last night, I wanted to break up with Barry. I wanted to isolate myself from the world. I felt out of control. One scenario replayed in my head for hours:

I’m just going to get sicker and sicker until I can’t work anymore… and then my manager will see me get sicker and skinnier and I won’t get hired as a nurse and I’m going to loose my job… and I’m just going to get weaker and weaker until I die.

That what I was preparing for… my death.

Isn’t that morbid?

I felt like I was in a 6 foot deep hole. By the end of the night, I had Barry, my parents, my sponsor… all holding onto the other end of the rope that they had been dangling in my face for the past few  hours. I finally grabbed the rope and held on for dear life. They pulled me out… they helped save me before I could pile more dirt on top of me.

Getting back on the wagon

I began with a shake. I just threw a bunch of mixed fruit, containing bananas, berries, and apples, and combined it with chocolate shake mix. To make it even more appealing, I topped it with some chia seeds and continued the berry theme with a blueberry coffee.

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My mom wanted to spend the day together and I had no problems accepting. I figure I’d catch her in a good mood and ask if I could cook dinner for us tonight. She accepted my proposition. Okay, so far, its a good day.

WP_003797She took me to pick up my car from the mechanic and we headed off to Walmart. I just adore being surrounded by pumpkin! Its the best part of this time of year! I found these babies and had to turn away! Oh man!

V__8880On the bright side, I also came across this: Edy’s Slow Churned Pumpkin Patch! Yes! Its out! Its only 90 calories a serving! I may have licked the lid on the way out the door of the store… I was so impressed with the flavor, I stopped by dads so he could try it! I counted down the time until Barry would stop by before work so we could share this!

In the mean time, I pulled out a small piece of tilapia from the freezer and changed moms mind about making homemade fish sandwiches. Eat your heart out McD! (Although, I will admit that the Arby’s Fish Sandwich is shatteringly delicious!

Fish Sandwich

WP_003799makes 1 sandwich

  • 1 3oz tilapia filet
  • parlsey, black pepper, granulated garlic, to taste
  • 1 leaf romaine
  • 1/2 slice fat free cheese, of your choice
  • 1 Tbsp light mayo
  • 1/2 Tbsp sweet relish
  • 1 sandwich flat

Spray a small skillet with non-stick spray and lay tilapia filet down. Sprinkle with spices and cook on medium heat for 2-3 minutes. Lift filet with spatula, respray the pan, and flip the fish. Lay the cheese on top the hot side of the fish. Leave the fish in the pan and turn off the heat after 1 minute or so. In a small bowl, combine mayo and relish, and spread on sandwich flat.

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Simple and easy. Mom called it “Spectacular.” We split the sandwich and the last of the Bundo Broccoli Salad.  We enjoyed out dinners and each others company while watching “The Great Escape,” one of our favorite movies! I winning combination!

Barry arrived just in time for my dinner to be digested and a hankering for Pumpkin Patch was creeping up. I topped our bowls with chopped pecans. Mouth watering! To complete our previous experience with pumpkin ice cream, I broke some pretzel sticks to simulate the pretzel cone.

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To finish off the night, a little house work and and a refreshing cucumber to snack on!

On a side note, I found this picture on Friday, still basking in the wonder that is my 16-year-old pup. Its a 3-month-old Beauty and her brother!

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I’d Rather Go Green than Be Blue

After a wonderful birthday party, last night, Barry and I came home. While he mowed the lawn, I unloaded some bags and really got in the mood for something. I’ve said it before… Trail mix can be mighty dangerous! I grabbed a handful of mix and a  big spoonful of Edy’s slow Churned to satisfy this sweet crunch tooth. Unfortunately, I kept nibbling on the trail mix (I love the nuts and raisins so much). It wasn’t like a binge, and it wasn’t like a I couldn’t use calories. If it weren’t for the trail mix I would not have gone over 600 calories, today. This did not stop my guilt and after walking outside to vent to Barry, I went to the bathroom for a small purge. Stupid, I know, and unnecessary.

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After and interesting attempt at making some not very attractive, homemade Blueberry PopTarts (I’m sure we’ll get it next time! ), and splitting a banana, Barry and I headed back off to bed, as we both have night shift tonight.

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It was a pretty scatter-brained afternoon for me. I forgot my phone at Barry’s and, of course, when I got back to the house, I couldn’t remember the security code, so the alarm went off! On my way home, I began an anxiety attack. I arrived home just in time for Frank to help talk me down. “I can’t eat! I can’t eat!” I kept yelling between hyperventilations.

I did what I do best and cooked. Well, its not so much cooking, as assembling, and playing with measurements, but however you look at it, I made a pretty mean broccoli salad.

Bundo Broccoli Salad

makes 4 large servings

  • 2 boxes 45 calorie raisins, by SunMaid (or 90 calories of raisins)
  • 1/2 cup onion, chopped
  • 2 Tbsp fat free shredded cheddar cheese
  • 1/4 cup OIKOs plain nonfat Greek yogurt
  • 1/4 cup Hellmans light mayo
  • 2 to 2 1/2 Tbsp apple cider vinegar
  • 1/4 tsp black pepper, more to taste
  • 1 packet Splenda
  • 2 Tbsp roasted, unsalted sunflower seeds
  • 2 Tbsp real bacon crumbles, like Oscar Mayer
  • 12 oz bag fresh brocolli florets
  • 1.5 oz broccoli slaw

Chop raisins, shredded cheddar, and onions. Combine with yogurt, mayo, Splenda, vinegar, pepper, sunflower seeds, and bacon. Pour over top broccoli and slaw and thoroughly mix.  Add pepper to taste, cover and refrigerate until ready to serve.

Nutrition:

Calories: 148, Fat: 6.7g, Sat. Fat: 0.3g, Cholesterol: 4.1mg, Sodium: 282mg, Carbs: 14.8g, Fiber: 3.6g, Sugar: 9g, Protein: 8.1g

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After a quick taste test, my nerves were calmed a bit and made the decision that I needed to eat. I whipped up a Sam-Rock Shake, for something low-cal and filling. Its going to be a rather green night, but I’d rather go green with health than blue with depression. To top off the night, I spilled a mug of hot tea on myself. Just great!

Before leaving work and before my mom’s boyfriend, if that what you’d call him, came over, I told her we needed to talk! She’s been acting like nothing ever happend. You know we’re not okay, right? She has been trying to make plans with me, but I’m just waiting for her to back out at the last minute. Don’t think because we spend a few hours together tomorrow that nothing happened this week. She kept responding with “I know… I understand…” No! You don’t understand! You have never had to experience with your mother what I have with you, It hurts and its NOT okay!

We ended the conversation on a good note and I pray it didn’t just go in one ear and out of the other. We supposedly have plans for tomorrow…