- Never being able to carry children
My lady times have never been regular. When I was younger, I would get hospitalized for the pain. Even on birth control, I was never fully regulated. I found out I have PCOS. Women with this ayndrome have an increased chance of infertility. Unfortunately, miscarriages are more prevalent then I’d like them to be in my family. That, along with those statistics of infertility, scares the crap out of me…
Losing any family member is never easy, but losing your best friend is just as hard. What happens when that family member is your best friend? Just the thought is crippling to me.
- Losing Beauty
I faced it… It sucked…
- Gaining weight
I remember how I felt when I was overweight. I remember how much work it took for me to lose it. I remember how much work I had to do to bounce back from anorexia. I NEVER want to have to do any of that ever again!
- Hurting others
Even the stupidest, unintentional thing such as stepping on your toe, gets to me! It eats away at me! To the point that I can’t sleep. I hate knowing that I hurt you in anyway.
Aging has its pros and cons. I learn more every year, I make more memories with my loved ones… There are tons of great things about getting older. What I fear is the loss that is inevitable. The past few years, I’ve noticed how many people have pasted away, I’ve paid more attention to the declining health of family and friends… It breaks my heart. I’m terrified to think that one day, I’ll look around and realize my friends and family have passed… I guess I’m afraid of the pain, physical and emotional, that could possibly occur.
- Losing my Drive
The other day, Barry said to me, “More projects have been completed in this house since you moved in a month ago, than in the past three years that I’ve lived here.” That feeling of being too tired to work out, gives me a glimpse of this fear. Jumping out of any airplane for my birthday assures me I still have plenty of drive left. I guess I just don’t want to lose that impulse, excitement, thirst for knowledge, or spunk that keeps me going everyday.
Its a little ironic that my final fear, is fear… Just the concept, the idea that something can scare me, make me second guess, make or break… Well, I guess thats both a good and a bad thing… or else society might really be in the shitter…