I wound up having an anxiety attack around 9 last night in the bathroom at work. I found out some troubling things on top of my already stressed out state of mind. A family had brought a big box of muffins and bagels in for us. The thought is so wonderful, but the temptation is enough to send me o er the edge. I tried ignoring it, eating another snack of graham crackers to substitute for the crunch. Eventually, I sliced a small sliver of a muffin to feel like I wasn’t completely depriving myself of it. I got my fix but, Lord, did I want to crawl in a ball and cry.
I text dad, but it didn’t seem to help. And finding out other news aided to my frustration. I was still under my calorie alottment for the day, but that doesn’t seem to matter to this crazy mind of mine, lately. For the past week, I’ve wanted snacks but cringed if I eat more than 500 calories.
I can’t have my cake and eat , too, ya know? literally!!
Things just got worse when I left work. I won’t got into details but things at home just went from bad to worse…
I ended up going to my dads house. I knew I wasn’t hungry but I wanted something. My nerves were shot and I needed crunch. I wound up going to town on these little puff nuggets of bacon cheddar poofness:
Despite knowing I wasn’t hungry but ate anyway, I was okay. Oddly enough, I had more anxiety at work surrounded by the tempting sweets than actually bring at home eating… Sometimes being around my dad just calms me. Especially on a night like last night.
To a little better…
I began to perk up a bit after weighing myself. I haven’t done so in a month or so, which is pretty impressive for a girl who used to weigh herself everyday and spazz I’ve a tenth of kilogram difference in weight. I was very happy with the number.
As much as I wanted to be with Barry, and as wonderful as he was for driving all the way to my house at midnight to make sure I was okay, it was just a night I needed my dad.
I had a plan in my head for today and I refused to shy away from it. I wanted to hit the farmers market and 2 other stores before work. I woke up, feeling refreshed , and thinking it was like 9am. Nope, it was 11am! Hustling to the kitchen, I popped a Van’s Belgian Multigrain Waffles in the toaster and some eggs and Canadian bacon in the skillet. I topped the the waffle with sugar free blueberry preserves and dug in! I enjoy that sweet, buttermilky waffle with slight salt from the bacon.
I decided to have my sweet earlier rather than later, thinking it might deter my late night sweet tooth.
Shortly after finishing my yummy sugar free chocolate pudding and grahams (and the crumbs left in the box from those Devil Food Crumb donuts), one of the nurses pulled out a birthday cake and cut into it. Damn it! Whipped cream with jimmies! Really, universe??? I cut a small sliver and may have stole the nilla wafer and strawberry that were on top. Throughout the night, I cut two more slivers of the same size and felt proud that I did not over indulge.
Claire kept calling me to the front desk, and I kept telling her I was in the middle of something. Then I figured out why… Barry surprised me at work! I thought he was away at drill, but there he stood in camo at the front of the unit (with a diet Cherry Dr. Pepper in hand)!
I packed a light dinner, in the form of a reduced sodium miso soup packet and threw some steamed broccolli slaw to give it a bit of texture. A cranberry apple hot tea, accompanied it…
I had a great shift, kept busy, worked well with everyone, loved my patients, and even managed to get some studying in!
This article caught my eye and I thought I’d give it a share…Top 5 Fittest Cities:
- Minneaoplis/ St. Paul
- San Fran
The good news for me is that I’m kinda close to 1 of those cities… The bad news is that I’m closer to more cities of the obese list!
Delaware is ranked 26th, which, I guess, isn’t terrible… middle of the road… Where does your home rank?
I would love to hear from you about where your home ranks, how you perceive your area, and what you do to encourage fitness and over all good health?
For a graduation gift, my girlfriend got me a subscription to Fitness Magazine, which I thought was an awesome idea! I’m not the fittest, and I’m certainly no health guru, but I know a lot about health and fitness and enjoy learning about it. In fact, its kind of funny… even though I went threw my eating disorder, the girls at work still come to me for my knowledge of health and fitness!
At this point in time, I am not as active as I used to be. I think once I take my boards, I’ll pick back up. But I still park further away, take the stairs, go to Zumba, and watch what I eat, and its like that picture from yesterday said:
“No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping the people on the couch.”